Letters to the Editor
PoodlePlay
Published Letters: 175 Editor's Choice: 6
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What would we all do with an ENDA if we had one?
[Read the article: How did the T get in LGBT?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Good morning, people-
So much to write and think about here. Before I go on, please dont mis-interpret my headline as meaning that I don't care about employment discrimination issues. It's just that I have reached an age and have seen enough in my life where I find it hard to see the value in any kind of ENDA legislation. I am trying to write with an open mind, and since I greatly value the wisdom and insight of many of Salon's letter writers, I am hoping that someone can present me with a new perspective.
I have always worked for the private sector. Through the years, I have seen an explosion in CYA language in my employer's Policy Manual. Absolutely everything in there appears to be designed with this goal in mind:
Disclosing, as thoroughly as possible, EVERYTHING that is expected of the employee, so nobody can ever say, "Well you never TOLD me I had to do THAT!" It makes possible a private form of the Doctrine of Universal Criminality. The goal, obviously, is to generate the largest possible pool of potential excuses for firing "Inconvenient Employees."
Anyone who has ever Worked for the Man knows that the enforcement of such rules is wildly uneven (but near-impossible to prove). Top producers, Club Members, Good ol' Boys, and personal friends of management will not be fired for "being late twice in 20 years" or flaunting the company dress code. People with B.O, are too fat, sloppy dressers, creepy personalities, slackers, or absolutely anyone that doesn't fit into the Company Culture (a VERY real thing) can be easily pilloried with some petty bullshit Personnel Manual Transgression and shown the door. If someone with enough power doesn't like you for whatever reason, you will be fired, and for all practicality, there's not a damn thing you can do about it
That's. Just. How. It. Is.
Now, from a purely practical point of view, I personally don't wish to work or go anywhere I am not welcome, and more importantly, where I cannot live my values. Even if you are not actually fired, Assholes with Power can always find a way to make your life hell until you quit. Why anyone would ever want to work in such a hostile environment is beyond me. I'd rather put my energy into looking for a better job than to fight for a pyrrhic victory ... Just flip 'em the bird on the way out and move on. There are always choices, and when you have the courage to make different ones- even difficult or inconvenient ones, you will eventually be led to a happier place if the choices you make are consistent with your values.
I am a very lucky person. I have met many, many Trans people because my minister (UU) is a very open progressive leader of a welcoming congregation. We regularly host Trans people in our worship space for special events (including a gut-wrenching Day of Remembrance service) Some have returned every Sunday to worship with us. Some I call friends. I also know lots of GLB people. I happen to be "B" myself. In similar ways, I have been lucky to meet Muslims, American Blacks, displaced workers, Hispanic immigrants, and many, many other marginalized people who are in need of support, but whose voices are too small and scattered to be heard.
As a UU, I try to take a bigger picture point of view. Justice begins with awareness of a person's story. Ten years ago, I knew nothing of Trans people. I never harbored any ill feelings, it's just that I never got to know them as people. I am proud of all of our congregants who are "normal" Mom+Dad+kids families for being open minded and supportive. I love to see them marching in the local Pride Parade every June.
As well-intentioned as some might be, legislation has serious practical limits in terms of improving conditions for marginalized people, which should really be the end-goal here. In fact, i would go as far as to say that the enemies of progressive movements just LOVE to see us exhausting ourselves with our ID politics, instead of doing the real person-to-person work necessary to build bridges and change minds one person at a time.
The way I see it, a full-fledged, all inclusive ENDA on the books would be of marginal utility, and the effort required to pass it would probably be better spent elsewhere.
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What should I do with these feelings?
[Read the article: Apparently I'm a bisexual mom]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This is, after all, what LW asked. She wanted to know what to do with her feelings, NOT ask if it's OK to cheat, or anything else as may have been suggested by a few misogynistic knee-jerkers here.
Dear LW- what you can do with these feelings is the same thing everyone should do with any of their feelings:
Let the feelings visit. If they trouble you, they're only feelings.
If you feel a strong need to take action based on your feelings, you don't need to. They're only feelings.
Take the time to reflect, without judgement, on your feelings. Feelings are neither right or wrong, or good or bad. They're only feelings.
Your feelings belong only to you. Nobody (although I have met a few that swore they could) can read your mind and know your feelings unless you tell them. That is your choice to make.
There could be other issues at play here- but others have articulated them much better (and earlier!) than I could have.
We are sexual beings. We all have reptilian brains that get aroused by all kinds of things. No need to give ourselves labels because of it, or let our modes of arousal trouble us. Just know that it is there, and that it will surface periodically. And if the sexual tension becomes too much, you can always masturbate.
Good luck to you!