Letters to the Editor
lapiedra
Published Letters: 29 Editor's Choice: 1
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Love in the Time of Wedding Bloat
[Read the article: Can I have my wedding money now?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I wanted the super-simple wedding. Paper plates, picnic blankets, nice white clothes, no gown. Made invites myself, friends took pictures etc etc. It cost more than I ever could have imagined, and my folks footed it. It mattered to them to foot it. Later they said they would have given me the money ... but the option was never presented when there were choices to be made. The LW might not realize what her simple, artistic vision costs. I certainly didn't.
Interestingly, my brother is marrying a girl whose family is not going to foot any bills (complicated history, lack of funds, plus they've already loaned her down payment money -- they're done). Their wedding will be financed by the two of them. In a bizarre show of gender inequality, when my brother told my mom that he'd like to invite all the wedding guests to a casual rehearsal dinner (typically at the expense of the grooms family), my mom flipped out at the imagined cost -- even though in her wildest nightmares, it's roughly 1/4 the cost of my wedding. I think as soon as my brother was born, in her head, she only prepared to pay for one wedding, and that's a good 30 years of entrenched thought. I am hopeful that she will muster the generosity and support that I believe she really feels towards my brother, and towards his marriage. But her expectation of what she would do for me, and do for him is certainly different in this particular regard, and it stinks.
Is it ever fair between siblings, same sex and otherwise? It's certainly never equal, but is it even fair? Does it even out over a lifetime?
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on the topic of therapists real thoughts
[Read the article: My therapist is making faces at me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have a friend whose mom does couples therapy. The problem she hears about the most is disagreements about cleaning. Whose responsibility, when, how, how it all makes everyone feel, archetypes of gender and patterns of parents ... I wonder what expression is painted on her face, because she admits to constantly wondering why her patients don't spend their therapy money on hiring a cleaning lady.
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bald vs balding
[Read the article: How can I comfort my boyfriend about losing his hair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]my husband always says that he would rather be bald than balding. On occasion, he has taken small vacations from the every three days head shaving, and the balding replaces the bald -- and it's unfortunate. Fortunately, it does have a remedy.
If the dude is black, he should shave it all off. If the dude is white, leave a stubbly small amount. It should just be done.
When I turned thirty, I felt a little flat. I condemned myself for feeling this way, because it seems pretty ridiculous, but I still felt it. Then it passed. Acknowledge the dread, move forward. What else can you do?
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you gotta like what the other person does
[Read the article: My new girlfriend makes dolphin noises in bed! Make her stop! Please!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]otherwise, what's the point.
we live next door to a spectacularly loud couple, in every aspect. Drama drama drama. From screaming yelling china crashing fights at 7 in the morning (where he screams "you're trying to destroy me!") to the obnoxiously loud sex. There's the instructive talking, her nonstop dog-yipping/crying noise, and what we can only describe as the bear sounds. And the cheesy techno music. They are both wanna-be creative people, and so we believe they are working hard to express themselves -- instead of just expressing themselves how they actually express themselves. Then again, my husband's new theory is that they are mistaking the first person who doesn't laugh at them or try to make them stop the intensely performative ridiculousness for sexual compatibility. And maybe that acceptance is all compatibility is... I only wish it lived two doors down, instead of the other side of the wall.
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All carpet goes to hell eventually
[Read the article: I'm living in filth!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My parents were apartment managers while I was growing up. The world of destroyed carpet is incredibly mundane. It speaks well of you that you don't want to continue living in filth. Most people just do. It's incredibly rare that someone moves out and the carpet is salvageable.
Sounds like your carpet is shot. I'd offer to pay 50% to 100% of the cost if the landlord/owner will help you coordinate getting it put in. (50% only if you've lived there at least 3 years -- a lot of apt carpet isn't rated to last more than that) They put in carpet all the time. They know people that do this at a decent price, the same way they know plumbers and painters. They know that pets are destructive. Believe me, they know!
Then you need the spotbot. There is even a spotbot for pet stains. It costs around $120. It eats a lot of kind of expensive fluids. (I'd guess about $2 to $5 per stain, depending on how bad and big). If you use the function that lets you walk away while it cleans, it leaves a blindingly visible clean spot, so you either need new carpet, or have to work the fade in the clean spot with the manual function. But it's really easy and it really works. I don't have pets, but my husband and I spill a lot of things. No big whoop. Our first floor is wood, and the upstairs is carpet, and our lives are much improved by regular cleanings of the first flight of stairs. This machine is relatively cheap and totally empowering in the face of each small incursion of filth!
Sometimes you need to learn the lesson the hard way. And sometimes you need to learn the lesson the hard way twice. And sometimes you need to learn the lesson the hard way three times. And sometimes you don't learn, and the consequences keep coming at you ... or you can get the tools to clean up before there's a lot of damage.
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you can't always put in a wood floor
[Read the article: I'm living in filth!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]especially if you're on an upper floor. It's usually a noise issue. Even condo owners on upper floors usually have restrictions in their CCRs to protect the quiet enjoyment of their lower level neighbors. If you can do it, it usually involves laying down cork -- cha-ching!
If you want a non-carpet floor (and that does sound like a good plan), you gotta move.