Far be it from me to claim America doesn't have an aggression problem, but it is absolutely insane to claim that America is the most violent culture in the HISTORY of the earth. Not only are there cultures around right now with worse track records than ours (North Korea kills countless numbers of its own citizens. Russia has a much higher murder rate, and no compunction about going to war, etc...etc...) but we're leaving out fun civilizations like Nazi Germany, the Huns, Ancient Rome etc...etc...

America has a big murder problem. It, like every superpower in human history, (Remember how the British never invaded anyone? They got their empire in a box of crackerjack.) is far too quick to pursue military solutions to its problems. We glorify violence and guns. These are all valid criticisms, but they are not an excuse for bandying about insane hyperbole. People who claim that America is the worst, or most violent, country in the world, let alone the history of the world, are expressing an idea of such profound ignorance that I tend to suspect them of being right wing trolls.

First of all, China's low murder rate may be connected to its culture, but it is definitely related to its repressive policing, frequent executions, and spying on its own civilians. While the U.S. certainly has lots of problems (Shamefully our incarceration rate is higher, per capita, than China's, and many of those incarcerated are non-violent drug offenders.) I'll take our freedoms and a higher murder rate over repression and 'safety' any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I also think that the cultural forces that make the Chinese think about collective appearance and guilt are much less healthy than the American attitude that people are responsible for their own actions. I am not responsible for Eric Rudolph's actions, why should I even think about apologizing for them?

Finally, Kaufman completely underplays the crude sensationalism of the American media. If a family member of an Olympic coach were murdered while at a U.S. Olympics it would be news everywhere. The pipe bombing in Atlanta was news for months (Granted that was a bombing and not a stabbing, but how about Jon Benet Ramsey? Violent crimes that can be sensationalized nationally ARE.) In addition, I wouldn't brag about Chinese media. The majority of it is state controlled and censored, and we don't know what's being said about the stabbings in those formats, but my guess is that much of what's being said is editorialized and controlled to the party's advantage. Kaufman seems to admire China, and there are things to admire about the country, but not the things he is talking about.

It isn't just that he lied (Though lying is a bad idea for a host of reasons) it's his ATTITUDE towards the lie. It's "Normal" that the lie "became" bigger and deeper over time. Way to take responsibility there, champ.

"I am afraid that she will find out on her own and perhaps break up with me. The chances are somewhat lower that she will find out considering that she does not speak English, but she is also not stupid, and there are any number of ways in which she could figure out that what I told her is not true."

Here we see he'd rather continue the lie, but he's afraid she might find out the truth and be able to make a decision he can't control. Cary is right. Lying is about control. It's about taking away another person's agency and ability to make decisions for herself by controlling the information she gets to make those decisions. If you love somebody you should not want to control them like that. You should want them to be able to make their own decisions, even if those are not the decisions you want for them. The attitude of "I want to control her" is a real problem, and the LW doesn't appear to have moved past it yet. Witness his last paragraph where he says:

"I don't see an upside in hoping that she will not realize the lie and I will get away with it, because if there is a future with this girl, obviously the lie will become even more deep and unmanageable."

Not "I don't see an upside in getting away with the lie because I will feel guilty and I don't want lies in my relationship."

So yes, a lie is not necessarily a relationship ender if everything else is good, but from what limited information we have this guy looks immature and appears not to have learned his lesson. Maybe he's a great guy who made a mistake, and she should forgive him and move on. But great guys who make mistakes usually own up to them and want to repair the damage regardless of its impact on them. There are those (including apparently some who've posted here) who don't believe in treating other people ethically or truthfully. I would strongly advise against making a life with said people.