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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
sacajawea
Published Letters: 108 Editor's Choice: 6
I'm a newly married hetero woman who's hoping to have a baby. And, I must say, whether or not you're going to jump up and down and get angry about what this woman says about her life experience, that these viewpoints and worries are a common undercurrent that women don't usually talk about in mixed company. I give her a lot of credit for her honesty.
Feminist women as well as the 'undeclared' often express doubt when faced with having a boy. Let's face it... men cause women a lot of grief. Not all men, not _most_ men even, but enough men to have us recognize a pattern - Pavlov's response style. Often, when told they're pregnant with a daughter there's a sigh of relief - it's known, "My favorite kind" I've heard "thank god", it's understandable, women empathize with other women, mother's with daughters. It's logical. But being pregnant with a boy offers up a bunch of worry - 'I'll have to make sure I raise a good man, not like all those other jerks... he'll be a man who is respectful, and selfless, and kind...' it's an active responsibility, at every turn the mother will be on watch making sure the son does well in the world for others as well as himself, this takes much more energy. The evidence around us suggests that not every mother has that kind of energy.
There are so many ways to not be lonely. Checkout meetup dot com, they've got so many interest groups. Knitting, photography, philosphy, screenwriting... or start your own interest. I don't see a lot of landscaping and spit-up groups on there. I'm sure your kid would love to know what your hobbies and interests are! :) I started knitting and joined a stitch-n-b group... that's certainly a crowd of mothers who think - they met online, they talk politics, & kids are welcome to come to the weekly meeting.
There's so much out there to do! And lots of people in your same position that would like to find interesting people to hang with.
Online dating is a useful and natural result of the internet, I definitely see it's merits and I've certainly heard a lot of success stories.
But, holey moley, my experience with it has really just whittled down into a fascination of how the male mind works. (Perhaps, men have plenty to say 'bout the women they meet online, but I can only speak about my own experiences.)
It seems lots of men approach internet dating the same way they'd approach shopping on ebay. They have an idea in their head of what would be an ideal mate (hd tv, cell phone, mp3 player), and then they shop for that. The thing that doesn't seem to occur to them while clicking through the time-limited merchandise is that the woman will have more of an opinion about who's living room she ends up in than the tv or the cell phone might.
And I can't decide if this is all terribly sad or sublimely hilarious.
I guess it does bother me that this dynamic upsets so many women. Women should decide for themselves what they would want and then go look for that. Just 'cuz guys seem to put "41 yr old seeking woman aged 18 - 34" doesn't mean they'll actually get that. Think of all the sad lonely guys out there that truly believe they'll win that sale, and how their genes must weep.
Personally, after meeting many different fellas online, I went to a dance at met a lovely 32 year South American and eventually married him. Bless his heart, he thought I was 30 when we met, and when he found out I was 39 he chuckled and asked for a second date.
It is nice when your first impression of someone isn't a thumbnail photo with a sell-by date.
Soooo, your saying Oprah's self centered and perhaps a lil out of touch w/ normal people?
And you're saying there's always lots of people looking for salvation, power, money, a more meaningful life? and that they'll pay anything, and jump on any thought train to get there?
der.
It's human nature... the powerful need to be full of themselves to have the hutzpa to lead people... and most people like to be lead, it's easier than thinking.
Nothing new under the sun... this is just the 2007 version of this dynamic.
Soooo, your saying Oprah's self centered and perhaps a lil out of touch w/ normal people?
And you're saying there's always lots of people looking for salvation, power, money, a more meaningful life? and that they'll pay anything, and jump on any thought train to get there?
der.
It's human nature... the powerful need to be full of themselves to have the hutzpa to lead people... and most people like to be lead, it's easier than thinking.
Nothing new under the sun... this is just the 2007 version of this dynamic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this woman is a child of divorce and her father left her mother.
Abandoned daughters grow up to have relationships with:
1. a-holes that are nearby -
so when you break up you're better off, and not abandoned - 'cuz when you were together that guy was so bad for you, what a dick, huh?
2. great guys that are far away -
so when you break up you're better off, and not abandoned - 'cuz when you were together you were safe, he was 4 hours away, what a great guy, huh? too bad he's in another time zone.
Until finally you have an epiphany after putting yourself through so much crap... and you have a relationship with
3. a great guy that's nearby.
been there, done that... 1, 2, and 3
and she wouldn't be able to hide emotionally from her best friend. So she distances herself from the LW.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
