I remember doing some focus groups for a major brewer. They had an animated short that told the story of brewing. We had animated barley, animated water drop, animated hop. The 3 took the viewer on the 'journey' of brewing. Hop guy was voiced by Rip Torn. Barlye guy was voiced by one of the guys from Hee Haw - I forget, had a real countrified voice. Water gal was voiced my Melissa Manchester, in an ultra -sexy purr. She had shapely legs and long-lashed cat eyes and was pretty sexy for a drop of water. One of the focus group respondents - man - said it perfectly: "I don't get it. Why do all female characters have to be tarted up like two bit whores? She's a drop of water for chrissake. Why does she have to be sexy, just because she'a a SHE?"

It's this thinking - if a she is doing the talking, let's vamp the message - that is at play in these voting spots and it's just depressing. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of the media portraying women like Condi Rice and Madeleine Allbright as less than women, not very feminine, because they either can't (because they aren' attractive enough) or won't (because they're too intellectual and worried about bigger things) deliver their message with this selfsame stupid sexualized pandering bandwagon.

When will the hypersexualization of women cease? News flash: we don't need to be attractive and sexy to a) vote or b) successfully urge others to vote. How we look really doesn't have much to do with anything in the political process. Just look at Tip O'Neill.

My brother in law is a talkaholic. Sometimes - only sometimes - it can be quite funny. He just opens his mouth and falls hin - his expression seems to say, "help me, I can't shut up!" My sister one time said to him "You know, you don't really need to share every single thought that comes into your head. We're good."

My mother is this way too. You can't get her off the phone. LIterally, you say "mom, I have to go, I have an appointment." Or "Mom, I'm bleeding to death" or "Mom, my water broke" and she just says uh huh and keeps on talking. It sounds like an exaggeration but it's not.

Having two clueless talkaholics in my life has given me a chance to see really examine them, see what similarities they have that might be driving their tongues (the old saying " his tongue is hung in the middle and flaps at both ends" comes to mind). And what I've concluded is - they are very insecure, have terrible self-image, and are terrified of silence, because they believe that in any silence they are being judged. So they rush to fill the gap with words, to hold off any negative judgement, to fill the space with something - anything - that might make the listener like them. They are completely unaware how their behavior alienates listeners. They don't even check to see if they are being listened to - their eyes look sort of glazed, as if they are turned inward instead of outward.

I think comeidans are nothing more than successful (i.e. socially acceptable) talkaholics.

The best way to stop yourself is to commit to asking your listener questions. It keeps the focus off of yourself, and stems the rushing tide of "me,me,me" thoughts. Make it your obligation, your point of honor, to ask every one you speak with at least 2 questions, and give at least one compliment. Compliments are even better than quetions - they put the focus squarely on the listener, it becomes impossible to make it about you. And when you see the pleased reaction to a genuinely meant compliment, the turning outward of your focus becomes less forced and more natural: it feels good to make someone feel good about themselves. That's why talking to much leaves you empty - you are just pouring yourself, wantonly, out onto the ground. If you target your talking to a) learn something about someone and/or b) make a genuine effor to make them feel good, you'll find you won't have to give away quite so much of yourself, which in turn leaves you less depleted and more connected to the people around you.

Woman looking over her shoulder and justifying her choices by deriding the choices of the woman she's comparing herself to.

Imagine Senator Edwards saying: Bill and I both got law degrees but we made different decisions and I think I"m more joyful than he is.

If Edwards dind't say it, then shame on the LHJ for saying she did - just goes to show that even in a world where women stop with the vicious underhanded competing (instead of open, honest, head-to-head competing), there are alway other women out there ready to pretend it's still happening, keeping those fires burning. Is getting women to hate themselves and one another really such a profitable growth industry? Depressing.

If Edwards did make such a lunkhead statement, I'd observe that it seems to me Edwards is spending a lot of time yakking about comparative happiness instead of just doing what purportedly makes her happy.

..because it just means more pasta and rack of lamb for me.

Signed:

Incisors - Use 'em If You Got 'em