Why do you assume that responders are self-righteous because we don't kiss people we're not married to? What an odd perspective.

When I was married, I kissed men that weren't my husband. I told myself it was harmless and fun as long as I knew where to stop. But of course, eventually I didn't stop. Kissing and alcohol and the illicit thrill of it all can - and given enough opportunities almost certainly will - lead to greater infidelities.

At some point I stopped justifying myself to myself and asked what I was doing. I couldn't understand why I was so willing to do something that a) I didn't believe was OK, b) knew would hurt my husband and c) would crush me if the tables were reversed. Compartmentalizing is not a gift that keeps on giving. I was living a lie and I got sick of it.

Eventually with the help of a therapist I figured exactly what those illicit thrills were doing for me, and why I'd let them become so important in my emotional and behavioral landscape. My marriage didn't survive this process of self-discovery, and while that was perhaps inevitable, I am to this day very sad and disappointed in myself for not asking the hard questions sooner, and behaving better on the way to the break-up. Acting like a selfish fool and hurting a good man was NOT an inevitable choice - it was a bad one, and one that I made with my eyes wide open though nevertheless blindly.

Now I am in a relationship with a great guy and I know - KNOW, without any of this 'never say never' get-out-clause language, that I will not cheat on him - not with lips or any other part of my body. I fully understand the cost - not just to him but to me. But 'it's not worth it' isn't even the thing here- the thing is, the thrill of making out or grinding or having sex with others while in a committed relationship - the *right* committed relationship - is simply not thrilling any more. If the thought ever did become thrilling, I would end my relationship (or have an honest talk about the possibility of opening the relationship up) before seeking my sizzle elsewhere.

I am not self-righteous at all, merely self-knowing and willing to take full responsibility for my actions. It's actually not difficult to live this way - there are far fewer regrets, and I am not plagued by the idea that the honest thrill of life and sex were over for me in the 9th grade.

As one LW pointed out, Craig was not arrested for soliciting consensual gay sex, but for soliciting to have sex in a public place where other people, including children, would be forced to deal with indecency when all they wanted to do was answer the call of nature.

As for losing his job - that's another matter. If Craig hadn't fueled the ascension of his political star with a bunch of anti-gay, homophobic crap, this would be easy - no way should he be fired for soliciting gay sex. The only person being 'wronged' is his wife and of course he should have to answer to that. But there is nothing inherently wrong with being gay, or even necessarily being a closeted gay (provided you aren't married and making a sham of your vows).

The problem is, Craig HAS ascended the political ladder on an anti-homosexual thesis, so in that case, yes, he does deserve to lose his job. But wouldn't it be a great world if Craig could step forward and say "I'm glad this happened. I've been living a lie for too long. I apologize to my wife and all homosexual Americans for my hypocrisy. I was fearful of not being accepted; how could I expect that when I couldn't even accept myself? But now that I have been discovered, it's time to be honest. I'd like to continue in my service to the American people in the true spirit of democracy - liberty and justice for all, whether homosexual or heterosexual or anything in between."

Of course that's never going to happen, Craig's self-hatred and his party's need to create anti-homosexual and anti-woman hysteria in order to create voting blocs of fundamentalist Christians and 'family values' throwbacks will make sure of that.

In theory no one should lose their job for being gay, or even necessarily for soliciting sex in the bathroom. It's conduct unbecoming, perhaps, but it's not necessarily an indicator of how well you can do your job. But in fact, Craig's hypocrisy disguises the unfairness of the Repubican party's swift distancing of itself from its own. It's small comfort to see them cannibalize themselves in the name of their party-sanctioned hatreds.

I often wonder what the people who force the Craigs and Foleys and Haggards out of office think about as they fall asleep - do these people have no reflective powers at all? At what point will they realize, even the ranks of the 'righteous' are harboring those they've declared as their sworn enemies. Where's the compassion for these men so filled with self-hatred they'd join their natural enemies in creating laws that make it impossible for them to live a life of openness and freedom, laws that virtually guarantee that, if they ever decided to cast aside their disguise, ensure they can't do so and live life as a fully priveleged, safe American?