First of all, Mike Tyson served his time in prison and paid his debt to society. He was not a serial rapist, he did not have more than one conviction or even accusation. Women in general are not unsafe from this man - they can choose not to spend time in his company, and as far as I know, he's never retaliated by lurking in a dark alley attacking strangers. So to continue to define him primarily has a convicted rapist is suggesting he can never be punished enough. I'm not sure that's the case.

To link him and his visit to South African social and political policy is simply inane. I seriously doubt SA government officials were thinking 'yeah, let's shore up our silent war against women by inviting a convicted rapist to visit - that will make them more compliant!' SA is a BLACK government and Mike Tyson was one of the most famous, accomplished BLACK athletes to ever live, so I am pretty sure these facts are, for them, overshadowing the ear biting and the prison sentence for rape. It's hard for me, a white woman, to say they are wrong in their continued admiration of Tyson's accomplishments despite living in a racist country that could easily have transformed him into just another uneducated drug dealing asshole dead by gunshot wound before age 30.

Finally - this notion that rape is about violence and not sex is about the stupidest thing I have EVER heard. Rape is at least equal parts about both. If men were only interested in violence against women, they'd settle for punching them in the face. In fact, being the weaker sex, we're pretty attractive targets for men interested only in * violence * - easy to run down, easy to immobilize, easy to injure and kill. To say that man forcing himself into a woman doesn't have anything to do with sex - I suppose at one time this claim was supposed to de-personalize the crime to some degree, make it less gendered and therefore get society (especially police, DAs, judges) to take it more seriously). But the fact of the matter is, rape is first and foremost sexual. It's violent, yes - sexually violent or violently sexual, take your pick, but to pretend that sex is just some tertiary or ancillary goal of the rapist is ridiculous, and further muddies the waters in how people see rape and rape victims.

So I found a therapist, and confessed all my past infidelities, and then told her I wanted to stop the behavior but didn't have much confidence that WANTING to stop would actually LEAD me to stop. I was in love - really, really deeply in love - for the first time in my life, and I didn't want to screw it up. I didn't want to screw it up badly enough to make a $180 per week investment to ensure that I didn't.

Therapy was an interesting road for me. Five years later and I have not cheated. I am also 100% certain that I will never cheat again. I have no fear that I might. There is no situation that could lead me down the unfaithful path. It's a great confidence to have.

Oh - I did tell my boyfriend about my past. Not every little detail - but I made it clear that I had no history of fidelity, and that the reason I was getting therapy was to ensure I had a faithful future. He appreciated my honesty - turns out he had some secrets of his own.

So - take Cary's advice - tell. And then start the journey to understanding WHY you are driven to cheat - that's the only way you are ever going to stop being driven by the desire and learn to be the driver instead.