Letters to the Editor
Sandra M
Published Letters: 577 Editor's Choice: 139
-
The situation is irretrievable.
[Read the article: I have a secret Internet friendship with a married man]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The only way the man can honorably fess up to his secret friendship is if he came clean to his wife on the 7 year duration of the relationship, as well as its the intimate nature (secrets exchanged, secret meetings, frequency of contact) and her plans to move to their city. Obviously doing this will put his marriage at risk or, at the very least, destroy trust between him and his wife. My guess is, given the choice, he'd have a red hot poker shoved into his eye before he would do this.
Guilty is a liar, and is on her way to becoming an adulterer. Her nom de guerre already tells us how she feels about this situation. I don't agree with Cary about thinking this one over. She has been using 'thinking it over' as a way to protract an untenable situation. She needs to act - tell the husband "I can't engage in a secret emotional affair with you any longer. I feel lousy about my behavior - and yours. I want to find real love, love that celebrates me out in the open as I deserve to be celebrated. As long as I am in this relationship with you this is never going to happen. I hope you and your wife have a long and happy marriage. If you are the friend you claim to be, you will not contact me ever again."
She thinks this will hurt, and I guess it will --- but it's an illusory pain. She doesn't really know this man - how can she? He lives day in and day out with another woman to whom he has made a commitment of trust and love -- a commitment he saw fit to break in the very early days of the marriage. She doesn't know him emotionally, she doesn't know what he's like to live with, his habits, etc. She only knows what he wants her to know - this is the nature of an affair: we get to be on our best behavior with the paramour, loved and adored for who we want to be seen as -- not us as we really are.
If the husband simply can't live without her he will make difficult choices of his own - reveal the friendship to his wife and then try to resume it, wife included; dump the wife and ask Guilty to try it with him, see if it works; or fade quietly into the background and begin a new search for a woman who, as Guilty did, will provide him with the secret thrill, the emotional intimacy he seems to get by turning outside of, rather toward, his marriage.
-
Her husband's pretty whipped so I guess he'll stay home w/ the kid while his wife brings home the bacon
[Read the article: Excuse me. Is this a business pitch or an OB/GYN appointment?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...but actually, she and her husband are planning to remain child free. I, on the other hand, am a different story - I mean, given how many partners I have in an average month, it will be a miracle if I'm not pregnant before the year's out! And what with all the hubub about the morning after pill and getting an abortion, I guess I'll probably be stuck raising the kid. Wow. I never really thought this through. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I guess it's totally legitimate for my partner here to want to know what I plan on doing if I get knocked up. Let's see - ok, I know. I'll just find a whipped guy to stay home with the baby while I run my business and make all of us millions of dollars. Do you know any guys who want to be kept in style? If so, can you pass my business card along to him? And by the way - what are YOU doing later?
That would have been an even beter answer.
-
Why blame Daily Candy for female insecurity?
[Read the article: Corset comeback]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When asked to describe the post-baby workout that enabled her to wear couture, Gwyneth Paltrow cheerfully replied "corsets!"
I've seen Daily Candy hawking Spanx, which is nothing more than a modern-day version of a girdle, another restricting garment targeted at women with fuller figures who wish to compress rather than change their diet and exercise habits. Should we holler 'foul' for these, too? What about push up bras and pointy-toed shoes? While we're at it let's indict make-up and skin whiteners and breast implants -- all of these items are elevating style and the creation of false illusions over comfort...and most women have one or more of them in their wardbrobes.
I don't see why women should cry 'foul' at Daily Candy - or corset (or shoe, or bra, or make-up) manufacturers, for that matter. There is a market for these things, and the market is women. So scold Gwyneth and every other woman who thinks 'great idea'! and buys into the notion that a compression garmet (or a 4 inch stilleto, or a girdle, or under eye concealer, mascara or foundation) is needed to obfuscate some 'flaw'. The sellers wouldn't see if there weren't willing buyers out there..and in this case the women buyers are grown, educated women making a free choice for themselves.
-
Irresponsible photo journalism
[Read the article: Where computers go to die -- and kill]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Grossman's story raises many valid and important points about recycling electronic waste...but I object to the highly staged photo accompanying the story - the one that plopped a child down amid a bunch of exposed wires. The journalist wanted us to make the leap that irresponsibly recycled computers are now the sulphurously steaming playgrounds of the poor, causing all manner of dangers from injury to illness to death.
Had the photo journalist caputred a scene of children who, unaware of the photographer's presence, were actually playing in this e-waste landscape, the picture would raise valid concerns. However, staged as it is, it's simply another case of the media yet again whoring out children to create a greater sense of urgency and danger, instead of being content with the legitimate issues already present in the situation/story. Share on Grossman for using such a tactic to add drama to her story.