Letters to the Editor
Sandra M
Published Letters: 577 Editor's Choice: 139
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What do you want?
[Read the article: I enjoy men until we get to the bedroom]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It seems that it is her own body she has a problem with, not her lovers' bodies.
I find it telling that the LW says she has 'even' felt turned on during the undressing and discovery part WHEN THEY ARE UNDRESSING HER. She is making a clear distinction - she doesn't feel turned on when she undresses for them, owning the act and thus her body.
She also doesn't mention masturbation - a notable lapse. If she doesn't masturbate, she should get a second opinion on that hormone thing. And if she does masturbate- well, therein lies the answer. Tell the guys what works for her and I'm sure they'll be willing to comply.
She loves the chase - getting men to show they find her desirable. But when the time comes for them to express that desire, she doesn't seem willing to help them figure out how to close the deal. Many men *are* disappointing lovers (women too) - but almost always there is one sure way to change this --- tell them what to do to please you. I have found that most guys are willing and eager - and often good - students in this department.
The whole letter reads like a bodice ripper - make me feel desired! undress me! read my mind an guess what will pleausre me! no, not that way! no, don't do that! ewww! She doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for her own pleasure, so should not be surprised when it is hard to find.
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How silly to blame porn for women's insecurities
[Read the article: Designer vaginas]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm sure the number of women getting 'vaginal rejuvenation' surgery (ugh) far far far outnumber the number of women who actually watch porn.
Porn stars do not wax and shave and nip and tuck because of a 'prepubescent girl' fetish on the part of the directors or watchers of porn...they do it so that the camera can have an unalloyed look at their privates while getting hammered by the equally follicly denuded and viagrally enhanced privates of male porn stars.
The idea that women are being infantilized by these nip and tuck procedures is an echo of the same indignant rationale that has been applied to waxing, and it's just not true.
Many men (especially gay men) trim and wax for aesthetic reasons that have nothing to do with evoking erotic thoughts of prepubescent boys -- most think it makes their equipment look bigger. Some think the mere idea of pubic grooming is sexy; if you're messing around with how it looks, then you presumably are advertising that you have a strong interest in recreational sex.
Waxing for women is about the same - while some women (inculding myself) genuinely prefer the nice clean look and feel of waxing, some women do it because their men, far from pedophiles in training or porn-addicted zombies, simply dig the idea of their women grooming themselves in a way that suggests an interest in sex and sexual attractiveness - this idea often turns them on as much as the results.
Yes, women who watch porn and then freak out and want a labiaectomy (double ugh) because they think they look 'abnormal' are pathetic. These are the same women getting Botox and breast augmentation and collagenated lips because they're so scared of aging and not looking like the garden variety starlet on the cover of the glossy mags she so avidly consumes to find out how else she needs to 'fix' and 'improve' herself - all in the service of the belief that male desire is the ultimate measure of a woman's worth. The new focus on gentials as an area to 'improve' is linked to these women's refusal to accept the respsonsibility of owning their own body and the pleasure taken in it (they are the same women who read "101 ways to drive him wild in bed!" articles in Cosmo and Glamour... but rarely if ever masturbate or have orgasms themselves).
Seriously, can you imagine a man getting penis augmentation if there was even a 5% chance he'd lose functionality and feeling? My educated guess is that most men would quickly (and wisely) come to terms with any perceived penile shortcomings when faced with the lose-lose of diminshed sexual potency or pleasure in exchange for the dubious benefits of supplemental length/girth. But women mess w/ their breasts all the time, losing much if not all sensitivity in the nipples. There's some irony for you - breasts that look sexier to men but with less ability to deliver sexual pleasure to the owner.
I'm sure a surgically 'improved' vagina (not talking about tightening muscles loosened from childbirth here, but the burgeoning industry around purely cosmetic procesures such as shortening/altering the labia, etc) all result in similar loss of sexual feeling...but women will flock in droves to have these procedures performed in the hope that men will find them more desirable. How long before some plastic surgeon comes up with a way to graft fetal skin onto women's faces, necks, hands and decolletage so they can reclaim that dewy youthful look after years of sun damage and aging? And what do you think the market for this procedure would be - big, huge, or gigantic?
This masochistic consumption of easy 'fixes' is the fault of women - not porn stars, not the patriarchy, not marketers.