I don't think it's wrong to care about Obama's loosely used term of endearment, but it is wrong to care too much about it. One comment does not a sexist make. His comment must be taken in the totality of his behavior - and no one who does this can fairly call Obama a sexist.

I have a friend, Mary, who always calls waitresses and waiters 'sweetie' and 'hon'. It's just an affectation she's picked up as she's gotten older, she means nothing by it except perhaps to be cheerfully acknowledging the serving person's relative youth. I wonder what the reaction would have been had Hillary been doing the sweetie-ing? Would there have been outcries of 'she's a sexist!'?? Or would she get a pass, like my friend Mary gets - would we accept from a woman what we won't from a man? I'm pretty sure the Hillary sweetie story wouldn't be getting the ink that the Obama sweetie story is.

"women LIE about what it takes to give a man WHAT HE NEEDS from women"

what, exactly, is i that men need from women, and why do women lie about this (suggesting they know very good and well what men need but deliberately disguise this knowledge to put forth propaganda of some sort)

speaking as a runner, I have to say, it's nice to see actual *running* being promoted, vs. the 'events' many races have become, clogged with fundraising walkers.

And speaking from experience - the running skirt is GREAT. Comfortable and attractive. I love mine and am glad to see they've made the leap to serious running - I just ran a 50K and counted 4 women wearing them.

I personally found the race concept amusing but maybe because I actually have a chance at keeping ahead of the man-pack and winning some money. The race will attract men runners, and my personal experience has been that men who've worked hard to race well have nothing but admiration for women who have worked hard and race equally well.

Your fiance is a highly intelligent person uninterested in simply living the 'American dream' - go to college, get a degree, get a good job, get a house with a mortgage, then be a slave to the mortgage while you have & raise children, grow old and retire.

I have a friend that scored perfect on the SATs - twice (they suspected fraud and made him retake it). He built an electric car from scratch - in 1987. He experimented with sleep/wake cycles - he finally found the perfect formula in going to bed at 1a, waking up at 5a for 4 days, then on day 5 going to bed at 11p and sleeping until 7a. He got an incredible amount of stuff done - more than I've ever seen anyone do. He made a lamp and rug for his dorm room. He read books, collected old bikes and rebuilt them and sold them for a hefty profit, and built several computers and then ran his own computer lab out of his dorm room.

He didn't graduate - then. He went to work for Hughes Aircraft, then after 6 years finished his degree - double majoring in engineering and philosophy. Then he quit and now he runs a yoga studio in Costa Rica.

He is one of the happiest, most fulfilled people I know. People who don't know him well are threatened by his unorthodox decisions, feel implicitly judged b/c he does not angst and agonize and solicit endless opinions on what he 'should' do. He knows his own mind - and it sounds like your fiance does too. Just because he doesn't go through a round robin of discussions before he makes decisions (especially decisions you don't approve of) does not make him mentally unstable, or even particularly impulsive.

He's not doing anything wrong - but he is clearly not the right man for you. This is the way he is comfortable making decisions given the meaning he gives to his life. If you don't want to live with it, then don't - but don't label it selfish or crazy. It's not. He's simply the way he is and you can accept it, or not. It sounds like you can't, at least, not without a lot of resentment and feeling as if you are sacrificing while he's getting away with being self-involved.

You should break up with him. He's not the man for you, and you are not the woman for him. You'll be miserable with him, and he will barely notice, feeling you should take responsibility for your own happiness.

LW - you go out of your way to be 'green' and a good steward of the environment, but are completely unwilling to go out of your way even a little to accept your bf as he is. Your contemptuous reference to himself, his 'badness' vs. your 'goodness', and how he doesn't take orders from you even when you are so obviously right and righteous...well, I don't really see why you'd keep banging your head against the wall of such an unfulfilling relationship when clearly you are so much more fulfilled doing what you can for the environment and then parading/flaunting/extolling those actions for the admiration and followership of others.

I am always suspicious of people who need to flaunt their good works. It seems as though your good works are done for the sake of the credit, attention and feelings of superiority they bring you, vs. any real deeply held personal value that you have. How can you justify having so much respect and understanding for the environnment, and not for the man you've loved for five years?