What's the problem with the message"This is what a feminist looks like" being emblazoned on a tight-fitting t-shirt? Since when are 'feminism' and 'sexual' mutually exclusive? If I want to exploit my assets to make a point, that's entirely up to me. If you don't like it, wear a t-shirt that says "Women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen". Or tattoo it on your ass and walk buck-naked down the street. Whatever works for you. Because what works for *you*, whether you or a man or woman, may be different than what works for *me*, and I, as a feminist, should be able to choose what works for *me* in a free marketplace of ideas that places no limits on me solely on the basis of my gender.

A woman, feminist or no, should, like a man, be free to wear a tight-fitting t-shirt and still be considered a complete human being deserving of equal pay for an equal day's work, reproductive freedom, and equal access to social, educational and cultural institutions.

A woman, feminist or no, should, like a man, not have what clothing is 'appropriate' or, God forbid, *legal* dictated to her by anyone - not by the govenernment, not by social 'norms', not by politicians, not by religious zealots and most especially not by feminists with an agenda.

A woman, feminist or no, should, like a man, take personal responsibility for her actions, recognizing that a message delivered in a provocative fashion may elicit undesirable responses that can possibly be interpreted in a way counter to her intended message, and, weighing all possible consequences, make the best decision *for herself*.

Why does the LW insist her father be present at, or shortly after, the birth of her baby? The birth is something happening to HER, not him. He's probably thinking he's already 'proven' his love to her by all the sacrifices parents routinely make for their children...now he's supposed to continue proving his love by dancing attendance at all of the events of *her* children, as well?

I just never got the whole 'you gotta come see the baby!' thing. Babies are wonderful, especially to their parents...but there just isn't a whole lot to say about a newborn, and there isn't a whole lot to do after the birth of one, other than waiting around for the short little windows available to peek at the baby and the recovering mother and say the same inane things: He looks like his daddy, doesn't he?! and, You look great!

The LW needs to accept that her father is a person entirely separate from herself, with his own thoughts, needs and preferences. He loves her but never has, and probably never will, demonstrate this love in the way the LW's departed mother did. Time to just accept this as the way things are, be happy she derives great satisfaction from her own husband and soon-to-be-born child, and get over the fact that she can't control the way her father chooses to express affection.

Maybe the LW should start thinking more about what she can do to show her father she loves him, instead of vice versa. If the real issue is maintaining and growing the connection now that her mother is gone, it shouldn't really matter who makes the effort. She knows how he is...time to just shrug, accept he probably won't change, that it's not personal, just his way, and meet him more than halfway - i.e. in other words, expend more effort on being a 'good' daughter than on criticizing him for not being a 'good' father.

...as long as you ALSO say that you are perfectly willing - happy even - for your mother, sister, wife and/or daughter to be a porn star. If you aren't comfortable with that, then what you are essentially saying is that some women are just born to be objectified and victimized (maybe you'd even go so far as to say it's their 'choice') and as long as me and mine aren't among them, that's fine by me, please pass the peanuts. If attitudes can be termed abusive, this would be one that fits the bill.

You can point to the undeniable commercial success and notoriety of the Jenna Jamiesons and Tracy Lords and Annabel Chong, but nevertheless, my guess is there isn't a porn star alive that any man would want his wife or daughter to swap places with.

I have nothing against sex workers. In fact I think porn and prostitution should be legal and aboveboard, so that the women who find they have little or no choice but to exploit their bodies for pay can do so with minimum negative repercussions to their sexual and physical health/longevity. But let's not pretend that being even a well-paid porn star or hooker is anything to strive for -- unless you're a woman with really limited options and/or already hit rock bottom, porn and prostitution aren't upwardly mobile professions, ya know?

Using someone as a receptacle for your fantasies, paying your 2.29 for a video and then letting her go back to her miserable existence while you and your nice suburban wife plan your daughter's Sweet Sixteen party...well, mabye 'abuse' isn't the right word, but "sucks" and "see ya, wouldn't want to BE ya" fit the bill pretty well. If you don't want that for yourself and your loved ones, well, why is it OK to perpetuate it for someone else?