Letters to the Editor
Sandra M
Published Letters: 578 Editor's Choice: 139
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You create what you fear...
[Read the article: Help! I'm getting older!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]43 year old female here. I don't consider myself old at all. Based on the longevity of my family, my life isn't even half over. That's good news as far as I'm concerned.
Seems to me what the LW fears is not ageism as much as it's lookism - ageism is just the indicator. People just tend to assume younger is more likely to be fitter or thinner or prettier. Sometimes this is true, but just as often it is not - as is true with most stereotypes. Just like I might expect a short man to be more likely to have a chip on his shoulder than a tall man. He may or may not, but with my attitude, one thing is certain: I am more likely to notice the short man's chip than the tall man's chip. So my advice advice to short men: make sure you don't have a chip. Or avoid me and my stereotype altogether. Similarly, my advice to 'older women' - the same. Get rid of the chip. Take care of yourself, for yourself. Know what you have that is beautiful - and everyone has something. Remember that attraction is an amalgam of things - even the most gorgeous face and body won't overcome a rotten personality (and for those men for whom they will - more power to 'em, I don't want 'em anyway).
I am not immune to the messages of youth culture so pervasive in our media. But I'm not any more swayed by them than I am by ads for junk food, for the simple reason that I can control how I react to ANY message. I don't ingest junk food for my body, or my mind. I just choose not to. It's not that difficult - all it really entails is to tell yourself what you ARE everyday, not what you aren't.
I am not in my 20s, I am not model thin, I am not a giggly plantinum-haired bimbette, I am not boasting a boadaciously huge (and fake) rack. I am not as smooth skinned as I was when I was 24. And to all of that I say, big f'n deal. Very few people actually notice what I am not. In fact very few people notice me at all when I am busy contemplating my navel, because self-absorption and fear make me (and everyone else - I am not unique in this) invisible and unattractive.
Now, here is what I am: sexy, stylish, beautiful, talented, funny, quick-witted, and utterly positive that I can get the attention of anyone whose attention I really want - and who deserves mine in turn. How do I know this? Well, I focus on the person I am interested in getting to know, instead of my own so-called shortcomings. I'm not sure what men find most attractive or interesting about me - that changes with the guy - but I know what *I* find most attractive and interesting about me, and I use that as a divining rod to seek out the kind of men that I will find most interesting. It worked, too. My boyfriend is 2 years younger than me. He's utterly gorgeous. He can have anyone from age 20 to 50. Before me he was dating a girl in her 20s. I dusted her ass, man. No way can she compete. Ha.
Confidence will help you navigate change in your life far better than youth, or even beauty. And here' s a secret - if you're not confident, you can fake it until you are.
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I seriously doubt there was any pressure
[Read the article: Actresses pose nude for Vanity Fair]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"it's women who still face pressure to strip off their clothes"
Women aren't pressured into doing stripping off their clothes at all --- they are flattered and delighted to do it. It tickles their vanity to be held up as icons of feminine perfection, admired by men and, more importantly, envied by women. The only 'pressure' here is what the readers feel when they look at the photoshopped magazine covers and bemoan their cellulite, wrinkles, sunspots, freckles, bustlines, waistlines, etc. as needing to be fixed by the products for sale in the pages within.
Women should eschew this tripe, but they won't. They'll gorge on it, and for dessert turn to the pages of Oprah magazine to try and regain the self-esteem they've so needlessly sabotaged by ingesting such crap to begin with.