Letters to the Editor
A Realist
Published Letters: 13 Editor's Choice: 6
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You're Not Wrong - She's a Crazymaker
[Read the article: My sister triggers my rage]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
First of all, my condolences. It sounds like you grew up around a bunch of crazymakers. Second of all, congratulations. You seem to have emerged a reasonably well-adjusted, thoughtful person. This is no small feat even for those of us who grew up in relatively non-"chaotic" homes.
You feel rage toward your sister. As others have said, don't fight it. She's a toxic person. She's passive agressive (the phone interruptions are a perfect example). She's trying to make you (and others, I'll bet) feel unloved so she can feel better about herself. And she's a narcissist to boot (her begging for attention and sympathy via her illness - forsooth!). A winning combination.
Yes, she attends to your mother. But don't think for one minute that she's not getting something out of that symbiotic relationship. If I may make a mixed metaphor, it's like she's a piglet, sucking your mom's teat dry and then complaining because she has to occasionally apply ointment to it.
As others have said, avoid her whenever possible, but don't make a big production out of it (like openly boycotting a big celebration that she will be attending). If she's interrupting your phone call with your mother, get off the phone. Don't ask your mom if this is a good time to talk. Tell your mom to call you back when she's not distracted. Make no mention of your sister. Whatever you do, don't confront your sister, or try to convice your mom that your sister's a menace. Your mom will never admit that; your sister will never change.
When you feel rage toward your sister or your mother (for not being there for you, or for not realizing your sister is a jerk), don't fight it. Disengage from the situation that is causing this, then go confide in/vent to a friend, someone you love, or to a therapist. You'll be amazed how much better you feel if you don't try to fight the feelings but let them out to someone who's a good listener. Your sister is so transparent it's bordering on the absurd. If you can, laugh about it with someone who's got some distance from the situation.
This is easier said than done, I realize. But in the end, remember: you grew up and moved away from the craziness. Your sister may make you crazy once in a while, but luckily it's only once in a while you have to interact with her. She makes herself crazy and miserable every day. This would make her an object of pity if she weren't so poisonous. Take heart that you a good person, your mother really loves you even if she does get "distracted" sometimes, and every family has one or more bad eggs.
Good luck!
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Re: Huggins post
[Read the article: Our office manager is a dental despot!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hilarious. Spot on. Without the responses this column would be unreadable. That said, Tennis' responses are great fodder for responders.
To the LW - The above notwithstanding, Tennis' response is actually pretty good today once you boil it down. A caveat or two, though - poll the other other peons quietly before doing anything. Surely no one wants to do this. If everyone is against this "donation" you could make a collective stand and then you won't be the most convenient target for the office manager's rage.
However, if everyone else is cowed and is going to contribute, not contributing would be a mistake, career-wise. In that case, Tennis' suggestion that you ask to make it an office-wide ad is smart. The Office Manager won't dare object and at least you'll have the satisfaction of not completely rolling over for this heinous person.
Either way, Tennis is right about his last point. Look for another job pronto. But don't even think of having the office manager speak to any potential employers. This kind of person will never give anyone trying to leave a fair evaluation. Once a new dentist is close to hiring you, have the new employer contact the dentist you work for, not the tyrannical administrator.
Best of luck!
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Reading between the lines
[Read the article: My boss wants me to apologize to his wife]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
Something no one has yet suggested...
I'll bet that the reason your ex-boss wants you to apologize is because he's come somewhat clean with his wife about your relationship (yes, that means they sit around blaming you) and she understandably harbors resentment toward you. This would not be a problem except that you and your ex-boss continue to communicate, and if the wife knows this, she is probably off the rails about it. Thus, the real reason the ex-boss wants you to email and apologize is he's hoping an apology from you to his wife will appease his wife so he can continue to see and talk to you without getting in trouble. He's also hoping an apology from you will make the meeting you three are about to attend more comfortable.
This fellow strikes me as spineless and cowardly. Take Cary's advice and be done with him - and his wife - socially (I realize you may still have to see each other at yearly functions for work). Do not apologize.
(To the posters who are wondering what an emotional affair is, it's when you are giving yourself - your time, energy, thoughts, emotions, etc. - to a person who isn't your partner INSTEAD of giving them to your partner. It's definitely a betrayal. More so, perhaps, than some short-lived physical affairs.)
Best of luck.
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George Orwell got it right.
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"At 50, everyone gets the face they deserve."
Age really is the true equalizer. The next time someone says to me, "Life isn't fair," I'm going to point them to this LW's letter.
Too delicious.