Letters to the Editor
jaketwice
Published Letters: 40 Editor's Choice: 3
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Certain Conceit?
[Read the article: If I die, I want my friends to raise my children]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Allie_ said "If you don't know these people well enough to ask them to raise your children, then you don't know them well enough to have them raise your children."
And I 100% agree.
The first thing the LW says is "we are well off financially." She then goes on to discuss the "emotional and psychological problems" in her family.
Is it possible that your family's biggest "problem" is not being all that rich? I think you sound like someone who has only just recently come into money.
Perhaps this is an occasion for you to look at your wealth, and what you wealth means to you. It seems like it's more important to you (based on the admittedly scant facts in your letter) that your children grow up in a certain ENVIRONMENT, than anything else. Do you realize that in your whole letter, you did not once discuss their needs? This letter is about YOU and YOUR need to feel close to a certain kind of lifestyle which you have come to enjoy.
Indeed, you say "a way in which I wish for them to be raised." To me, that implies that you are hungering after a certain lifestyle. Are you forgetting that the truth of who you are is not found in money? That it is not found in lifestyle? You can buy whatever you want! You can possess nothing at all! Your courage, your intellect, your beauty - wealth holds no power over those things!
The most important thing for children is to be loved. The person who should raise your children is someone who you know will love them, who will lavish them with love, and who will sit with them and hold them while they cry over your death.
If you are worried that it would be "awkward" to ask one of your recently-made well-to-do friends, then maybe you should consider the extent to which you decision is being made by love, and the extent to which it is being made by some kind of social striving.
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Computer Time
[Read the article: My husband wants a different form of eroticism ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]To me, the most disturbing part of the letter was the "checking out" emotionally, and the time spent with on-line role-playing. An adult man, whatever his fantasies, should not be learning about them playing games.
Being an adult is serious business: especially with a new baby. While I can sympathize with the desire for a fulfilling sexual relationship, I cannot sympathize with the sacrifice of real world action for that fulfillment. Games are fine for extra time. They should not dominate a life or a relationship.
Bottom line: it does not seem like hubby is living in the real world. I would maybe have a frank conversation about being an adult, and about the attendant expectations.
Though I strongly agree with Cary: with all you have going on, you need some extra space for an extra real world.
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Is this Fair to the Brother?
[Read the article: My brother abused me -- now our parents want us all together again!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Perhaps the LW might email the brother and offer him the opportunity not to go.
Wouldn't a certain redemption for the brother exist in not going - in being the one outside looking in? And wouldn't that forgiveness offered by the LW be vindicated by the brother's sensitivity?
Moreover, although my sympathy is course with the LW, won't this whole arrangement be awkward for the brother? Someone (very bravely I thought - and yes, I have read all 51 of the prior letters) mentioned that HE had been the abuser, and how awful he felt about it.
I recognize that writing to the brother would mean putting a certain amount of faith in his ability to truly take ownership for the harm he has caused; but, nothing ventured, nothing gained - which is what I think Cary was trying to say.
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the BOYFRIEND
[Read the article: Another pretty face of a generation]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The problem I have with Emily Gould, and the problem I think most people have with her, is that she's an emotional slut, discussing her feelings and problems with anyone who will listen.
She talked about an intimate relationship on the internet like it was hers, and hers alone. That's a form of infidelity. And the one thing Americans prize above all else (statistically) in a relationship is fidelity.
Also, I think Americans are tired of being treated as stupid by a media that largely obsesses over celebrity at the expense of issues, instant gratification over careful commentary, and scandal over objectivity. The whole concept of the "blog" panders to that idea of American stupidity. Emily's job, indeed her life, is all about scandal, instant gratification, and celebrity.
She has held herself out as the poster child for keeping nothing private, for living a life free from the constraints of the opinions of others. Mostly, though, we don't want to know about you free from emotional constraints. You're not our child, or even our cute niece! We don't want to know the drama! And to the extent that you are willing, or better: insistent on putting yourself out there, your readership will destroy you.
The tide is turning: narcissists are no longer welcome in America, and the Emily Gould's can leave along with the George Bushes, the Paris Hiltons and the whole damn Hogan family.
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Frame the Issue
[Read the article: Should I confront my father about his affair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]First off, you would have to be a remarkably self-righteous and not very understanding person to blame the LW for snooping. I think most people would snoop under those circumstances. The LW should not feel bad for snooping: it's only human!
Secondly, there is an ethic to snooping: you can't reveal what you have found. I do not think that you necessarily should have secrets from your spouse though
The only use for the information the LW has discovered is to prepare herself for what might come between her father and mother.
If she is considering cheating on her husband, she shouldn't. Cheating is wrong, no matter who's doing it. Just because you can't discuss something you find abhorrent, doesn't mean you have to like it, much less emulate it.
Just pull away a little (be quicker on the phone, spend more time with your mother than with him when you're at home).