Letters to the Editor

• @ Brightstar --Strictly Confidential

  [Read the article: My wife keeps cheating but we have two kids. Should I leave her?]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  This is a confidential document and should only be read by the intended recipient. On no account should it be read by any women in case they find out things that no woman should know.

  OK, ladies, I knew that would get your attention, You see how you are.

  Primer on Men Women Relationships explained by popular songs.

  Sex and love should not be confused. When a man like you, O Bright Star, tries to get into a relationship, he is looking for love, affection, and appreciation as well as sex. What he does not appreciate is that human mating is much more complex than that.

  The mainstream propaganda line is that love and marriage go together , but the truth is that while you are looking for love, women are more excited by granite kitchen counter tops and Jimmy Choo shoes than by penises. Men often think women are shallow, but they are deeper than most men know, and while they may give the impression that they are admiring your penis or your personality, deep in their souls they are thinking about the granite kitchen counter tops and Jimmy Choo shoes.

  Now I am not saying that love does not exist,but there are two types. There is the type that cares for and nurtures the other individual and tries to act in his/her best interest, then there is the type called “lerv” that is what all popular music and culture is about, which is a kind of addiction, an infatuation that last about 6 months, and which resembles addiction to a drug.

  You will notice that in many popular songs the “you” that is addressed may interchangeably be a drug or a person. Hence deliberately ambiguous Cole Porter hits like I’ve Got You Under My Skin ( the Four Tops version is divine) and I Get A Kick Out Of You may refer either to heroin the opiate drug or a female heroine.

  Fortunately you don’t need to go to a 12-step program to break this addiction, because after six months, about enough time to get a baby on the way if contraception does not intervene, it wears off spontaneously.

  So you spend the years together growing older, but if the wife plays her cards right she gets a seat in the Senate and a shot at the White House. Sex may still persist for years even after the passion has gone, because people get horny, and if they can get horny enough to have sex with themselves, then they can certainly get horny enough to have sex with the person they wake up next to. However men do not fantasize about sex with their wives during this phase.

  Or you dump your beloved angel. Yes, you flush her away, and take on a new partner to make you feel alive.

  Now, if you are looking for recreational sex, you may find it easier to find an attractive sexpot who will play along than with the Plain Janes, even though the Plain Janes are superficially more desperate for partners.

  The reason is this. Even Plain Janes will blossom for a while and come into full bloom when they are in “lerv”, but they have to be damn sure they get it right first time, because they might get a second shot, but no more, so if they don’t succeed immediately, then they can probably kiss the granite counter tops and the Jimmy Choos goodbye.

  The world is full of young single women with two children who were in “lerv” at a young age with a muscular young man who worked in some occupation that gave you muscles and taut buttocks. The relationship lasted long enough to pop out an heir and a spare.

  These pairings soon disintegrate and she is left holding the babies, with the trailer (payments), the truck (payments)., the toaster (paid for) and she needs to get a job.

  This is the real message of Just Say No. It is not that people won’t get horny and have sex. It is just that if a woman can delay sex long enough for her brains to catch up with her sexual organs, then she has a better chance of selling herself for a higher price in the long run.

  What you, Bright Star, my son, have to do is be cognizant about these facts of life, but not be bitter. Know the truth about women, but still love them and be kind to them. They will never love you romantically, because that is not in their nature, and you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

  Decide what the hell you want. If it is just sex, then be like Cary Grant (I think it was) who said he paid them so that they would go away after sex. But if you want a relationship, children, a marriage, a family then be patient, pay your dues and what is yours will come to you. There need be no rush to have sex, because you will soon be sick of it anyway, and the day will eventually come when she will sulk because she wants to make love and you want to watch the game. In fact you will find that she nearly always wants to make love when you have something else planned. Then you will have to learn to pay liquidated damages in the form of a granite counter top or a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.

  And gradually the Bright Star that you are now will fade away and be replaced by a White Dwarf barely visible to the human eye, and finally you will become a Black Hole.

  [Brutally edited to meet 1000 words limit.]

  Permalink Monday, November 19, 2007 02:44 PM