Letters to the Editor
Amerigo
Published Letters: 955 Editor's Choice: 60
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Approached to Flirtation Part Two
[Read the article: I'm in love with my bandmate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A common approach to flirtation is the use of the intermediary to indicate interest.
This is how it works.
You send a trusted same-sex friend to make enquiries along the lines of "I have a friend who keeps asking about you, but I wasn't sure if you were available."
This is a pretty common type of approach. A woman I have met a couple of times recently deputized her son as Cupid, who told me "my mom thinks you are cute." (However he overstepped a bit, continuing to say that she had a boyfriend, but he was a loser, and she cheated on him all the time. Too much information, sonny. Gong!)
A better approach is the fake intermediary. You tell him that a friend of yours had expressed an interest in dating him, but you were not sure of his availability, heterosexuality etc. If he shows interest you can hopefully turn on the landing lights and air traffic control him gently into the correct boarding gate, before unfastening his belt.
A number of posters have warned of the dangers of workplace romance and intraband affairs.
Fair enough, though a huge number of successful marriages are the result of workplace encounters, so you can take this either way. I mean how does anybody meet anybody? Online I suppose.
It is no secret that Valerie Plame met Joe Wilson during the course of her undercover work for the CIA.
In the world of bands, the classic example is Abba, a band formed of two couples, all four of whom were successful individual performers prior to the band formation. Both marriages failed ultimately, but not until there had been enormous commercial success.
Tim Rice and Elaine Paige, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Sarah Brightman, the list goes on. Brightman was a dancer whose talent Webber spotted and plucked from obscurity to cast in a major role in Phantom of the Opera.
Stunningly attractive Brightman, long after the divorce in a 2001 interview was asked about this "beauty and the beast" relationship and revealed that Lloyd Webber had the "biggest willy in the playground". Touching as it may be that her devotion to a few inches of flesh was more important than all the star-making power and millions of dollars that her husband also wielded, clearly their love was not here to stay, and he remarried and had three more childen with wife #3, another beneficiary of his largesse.
The problem here is that we know absolutely nothing about this band. For all we know it could be the United States Air Force Band (The Airmen of Note) or it could be a country and western band gigging in local bars, or something else.
We don't know whether the players are employees of the band or whether the band is some kind of cooperative, or something else. Even The Beatles were more or less employees of Brian Epstein for much of their early career.
Therefore all factors cancel each other out and she should declare her suit one way or the other and be done with it. In the end the whole course of our lives depends on making decisions that may be quite random.
There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries,
Julius Caesar, quoted, (fictitiously) by William Shakespeare.
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Oh, brightstar, brightstar...
[Read the article: I'm in love with my bandmate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Usual bs bs:
Unfortunately, I'll probably end up dumping her this week, to see if she makes a counter move and tries to seduce me finally or at least tries to make ME try to seduce her.
Look, you say you like the girl, and are having fun with her. Maybe she is inexperienced. Maybe she is a virgin, maybe she is scared. Take it easy with her, and when you and she are ready find out what her story is.
If someone goes on a second date with someone, it is a given that they consider them to be a potential mate, so these silly games are a waste of time. And we don't know how you met her, but presumably through some mechanism that she and you had both engaged in to find a life partner.
And forget about this first base, second base, third base, home run baloney and groping on the sofa over a few beers and David Letterman. It can all be done with WORDS. Once you have established that the other person would like to be your lover, then you can mutually work out a timetable for consumating the relationship.
Of course she probably has a price--like marriage or a promise of same--attached to her maidenhood and you are probably just looking for a quick shag, so your objectives may be incongruent.
Now you say:
Pity, but women really seem trained to accept only player type behavior from men, where the guy is always provoking the 'moves' while the woman is the passive recipient...
It seems to me that it is probably you who is exhibiting all the playa type moves, like planning to dump her to see if she will up the sexual ante to keep you interested.
How about asking her what she wants out of this relationship and taking it from there?