Letters to the Editor
Amerigo
Published Letters: 955 Editor's Choice: 60
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Racial preferences in classified ad dating
[Read the article: Men on eHarmony seem obsessed with women who are "clean"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think most people are pretty careful about getting into racial preferences in online dating, because you don't want to unnecessarily narrow the field. For example, if your ad states that black women are most welcome, you will probably find most white women unlikely to consider you as a potential partner.
Even the woman who is wowed by a man's lack of racialist attitudes may still suffer from Nellie Forbush syndrome. Remember the shocking (for its time) musical South Pacific, in which she (played by Mitzi Gaynor) announces in song that she has Just Met a Wonderful Guy, thus overlooking the onsite American talent that like nothing better than "the wavy frame of a dame."
In this story so full of double entendres, she announces that she is a "cock-eyed optimist" (quite so, my dear) and "corny as Kansas in August"... (stop, please stop!).
But soon she nosedives into anger and depression when she discovers that he is the wonderful father of some wonderful children who are not Caucasian. Meanwhile her male counterpart is indulging in Happy Talk, and, if I am not mistaken, walking the walk as well as talking the talk, with a lissom island maiden while Bloody Mary (Juanita Hall) is full of Bali Hai and shows just what your lissom lovely will probably grow into with a belly high full of babies.
Of course in the end she (Nellie) overcomes her prejudices and hooks up with her wealthy Frenchman who is now a hero, while Rogers and Hammerstein kill off the male counterpart who is also a hero, but one who has too much sex for his own good.
Has to be a lesson there somewhere.
Anyhow, I digress, but I think if you want to find out your date's racial prejudices or lack of, then you should probably rent or buy the DVD of South Pacific to use as a screening tool, note when he gets a hard-on, and ask him to critique the plot.
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The meaning of weddings
[Read the article: I want a perfect wedding, but my in-laws are trashy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Weddings are about fecundity, about legitimizing a relationship between a man and a woman, generally for the purpose of raising children conceived in the marital bed.
So I can't help feeling that the angrily flushing bride here is somewhat embarrassed by this display of unseemly fecundity on the part of the brother-in-law and his floozy, er.. sorry, fiancee which overshadows the fact that her engagement has been arduous, ... er, I mean long, but as far as we know barren. It's a kind of Old Testament Abraham--Hagar--Sarah triangle deal, only a bit more complex.
OF COURSE THE BLOODY BABY SHOULD BE AT THE WEDDING, he or she is a member of the family, a cousin to your future children. Twenty odd years from hence, you will be at another wedding reminiscing about how your wedding service was disrupted by a screaming breast-lover, and you will be laughing about it,and you will be damn sorry if you are excluded from that wedding as tit for tat.
BE NICE, that is all we are asking.
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Tendency to invade
[Read the article: The U.S. military's role in preventing the bombing of Iran]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think a lot of the tendency to invade comes from Americans who have not traveled or lived overseas and have little idea of what 'abroad' is or how people live in other countries. They just think Iran and Iraq are like Topeka, Kansas except that people drive to mosques on Sunday, and therefore they think that invading these countries is just a question of taking over the local government, privatizing trash collection, giving everyone cell phones, and living happily every after.
Raised in an era when it is the patriotic duty of each American to have the TV turned on 24 hours a day and consume whatever branded product they are told to, they have no concept of societies where tribal (what's that?) and ethnic loyalties and traditions are hugely important.
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Constitutional amendment proposal
[Read the article: John McCain's religious pander]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]How about a constitutional amendment to the effect that all presidents will be forcibly baptized at their inauguration?
This levels the playing field, so you know it makes sense, and it means that even if a heathen candidate gets elected, we still get a Christian president whose past sins, conducted during the election campaign, will be washed away.
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Getting a date
[Read the article: I'm sexy and available! Chat me up!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Writing as a white man who has dated many black women and been married to a couple, I would say a couple of things based on my experience.
I think a lot of white men are interested in dating black women, but maybe a bit scared of getting things started, so maybe, exactly as Cary say, you need to flirt with them a bit to get them warmed up. There is nothing that interests a man like meeting a woman who is interested in him.
As far as the racial thing goes, I don't know. So much depends on what part of the country you live in, what social class you are, what kind of work you do, what religion if any, and so on. I have not found that there is a huge prejudice against so-called interracial dating/coupling/marriage, however I don't interact much socially with white Americans. You mention elderly Italians, who might not be your thing, but you may often do better with men born outside the US, which may be a large or small segment of the population, depending on where you live.
I think possibly the problem is that you are a bit more introspective than most women, and perhaps men are not perceiving you as available. This may be teaching one's grandmother to suck eggs, but eye contact, repeating a person's name, and light touching on the arm are the usual ways of showing an interest in getting to know someone better.
This I can tell you, there are scads and scads of men out there who would find you very desirable.
Internet dating would probably get you thousands of suitors. The only problem would be weeding out the duds.