Letters to the Editor
Amerigo
Published Letters: 955 Editor's Choice: 60
-
Remembrance of things past
[Read the article: Should I tell my new man that I used to date women?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Right, let me be the first (possibly) to congratulate the LW on resolving the issue her way.
Perhaps next time the LW advertises on Yahoo! personals she can say "Crossover cat-hater tired of gay bar scene seeks real man, monied welcome, but must be pro Roe and favor withdrawal (from Iraq, silly.)
However, the question raised by the LW is a general one that affects lots and lots of people. A poster raised the question:
How do you remember which things to not mention, which things are 'none of their business'? You're in a 'serious, long-term relationship' with someone and you have a whole minefield of things mapped out in your head, people and experiences to not mention or discuss even though they helped shape who you are today? How does that work? Building all those walls in my head would hurt my brain, not to mention hurting my relationship. It doesn't seem conducive to mental health, to me.
This point and many similar posts seem to be rooted in a fundamental misunderstanding about the way men think. We are simply not interested in "who you are", we are interested in "what you do" now. We have no interest in telling you how many times in our life we have masturbated so that you can understand "who we are".
You may think that I am talking out of my ass, but actually I do know something about this, because I was actually married to a woman who had a lesbian past that she told me about. I actually met one of her ex-lovers and her present lover. Since the woman (my ex-wife's ex-wife) was fat, had a bad case of rosacea, and smoked like a chimney, it was not hard to see why my wife had undergone a conversion--even though I understand that the woman was once cute.
From the male point of view the fact that you once liked someone else is rather insignificant compared to the fact that you now want to hitch your wagon to ours. If the relationship is new, then most of it lies in the future.
Also, as a general point, in any relationship you will have to be careful what you say about a whole load of issues. You can't just mouth off your opinion off the top of your head about any topic just because you feel like it. You can't just tell your husband that your mother-in-law is a fuckwit. If you do, you are needlessly expending capital in the relationship.
This is called good manners. It is the essential lubricant that greases all effective relationships, and you cannot buy it next to the condoms in Wal*Mart.
(Since many people also behave badly when they drink alcohol, the case for good manners suggests that people who want a good relationship should go easy on the booze too.)
-
@ Anonymous
[Read the article: Should I tell my new man that I used to date women?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Anonymous wrote:
@ Amerigo
I know you used the word "approximately", but there are a lot more than "2 scenarios" for his response to your telling him you have had sex with women. "highly amused turn on" or acting like an insecure asshole obviously are not the only 2 scenarios, and I cannnot figure out how this response rated an "editor's choice star".
Thanks for your interest. My letter got a star because it was a brilliant letter that pithily encapsulates the viewpoint of about half the readers who have responded here.
But now we are all on the edge of our seats waiting for you to offer several more likely scenarios that have not occurred to a dimwit like me.
Come on then, what are the several other possibilities?
-
@SB
[Read the article: Should I tell my new man that I used to date women?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]SB wrote:
WTF are you talking about, Amerigo? I'M a man, and that's how I think!
I have no interest in either lying to my girlfriend or decieving her by leaving out key parts of my personal narrative, and I expect the same from her
Once she gets sick of your pomposity, she will probably dump your ass. Either that or your spelling.
Did your English teacher never tell you "i before e except after c"?
-
Any quarterback...
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Any quarterback will be subject to criticism, especially if his team is not winning, regardless of his skin hue or ethnicity, because a quarterback is the engine of the team and you rarely see a great quarterback in a losing team.
Football at the professional level is a predominantly black sport, though the teams are all or nearly all owned by whites.
The real question here is whether the team owners are more interested in money or glory. If they are in it mainly for the money, it may be that they will favor some white players because such a large part of the paying (and viewing) audience is white.
If they are mainly driven by the desire for trophies, then they are going to be playing the best players they can get.
In soccer, the world's leading league by far is the English premiership. Because the top teams want to win trophies, they know they cannot succeed without black players, and have many fine players from Africa, from Brazil, from former colonies,
and from immigrant communities in Europe.
Sadly there is still a phenomenon of racist behavior by fans, especially in countries like Italy and Spain, where crowds have performed monkey chants or thrown bananas onto the field. In one incident a couple of years ago in Italy a top African player was in tears and threatening to walk out of the game, but was persuaded to continue by black players on the opposing team.
Fortunately such phenomena are practically unknown in the US, so there is much to be thankful for.
All it will take is for one Tiger Woods type quarterback to win a few Superbowls, and every team will want one.