How do you know that all abusers feel no remorse?

They all do it again!

However, certain aspects of these red flags can assume stereotypical proportions. It is not like they have a tattoo on their heads.

No, but have you seen Mike Tyson?

Actually tatoos are almost universal in prison populations and there does seem to be some connection between tattoos and violence.

I'm not talking about the odd discreet flower or butterfly in a hidden spot, but inappapropriate, obtrusive, or crude, homemade tattoos are quite a good predictor of a tendency to violence.

Example: one of my coworkers was fired from his job as a prison guard a few months back. (I don't know why). He started a course of extensive tattooing after he started his current employment, which he is only doing temporarily until he gets a better job. He was recently turned down for a job in law enforcement because his tattoos extended above his collar line on his neck. (You would think tattoo parlors would make you sign a disclaimer that certain types of tattoos could affect your employability.)

Last week at work, he had scratches on his face. I asked him about this and he said he got into a fight with another guy "but you should see him".

Not scientific proof of a link between tattoos and violence, to be sure, but if I was a woman I would be wary of any man who is heavily or crudely tattooed.

Thanks for this letter. You explain perfectly what the dilemma is and you are in an awful situation and showing great bravery and resolution. I hope it works out better for you in the end.

You and I probably don't mean the same thing by remorse. If a person experiences remorse for their actions, then they make amends and take steps to ensure that it never happens again.

Back in the 1940's my grandfather drove a bus for his family's business. I don't know all the details, but there was an accident and a child was killed.

He was a careful driver and a lifelong teetotaller (Baptist), but he was never the same man after this accident for which he blamed himself, suffered a stroke a year later, and died a year after that.

Today he probably would have been given Prozac and blood pressure medications, but the point is that that was remorse. Being sorry and then doing it again is not remorse. It is being an asshole.

I have written dozens of reviews for Amazon, received thousands of positive votes and am rated in the top 3000 reviewers, for what that is worth--not much, really.

I have a scale of what my star ratings mean, which I have published in many reviews, but not in all. Something like this:

Five stars: Outstanding, best of its kind.

Four stars: One of the best in its genre.

Three stars: Will appeal to fans of the artist in question.

Two stars: Some value, but has obvious flaws.

One star: Utterly worthless.

The trouble is this: Five star reviews will garner many positive ratings for the reviews, but three star reviews, even if they are quite fair, will tend to be negatively rated. Just as an example, one of many, I pointed out in a two star review that a Dick Francis book written when he was at a great age and well past his best was perfunctorily plotted, not the first of his books you would want to get, and probably ought to have been titled "Lame", and this review received overwhelmingly negative ratings.

... if in the opinion of LW said tee shirt is enough to provoke a husband to violence, and that violence spills over into the work place, is that not enough to argue that she is not appropriately dressed for the workplace? Maybe the husband works at the same place?

Is there actually any attire short of an incitation to kill the President that could ever be inappropriate?

The man has to buy the condoms on the first date, unless the woman knows the correct size, shape, texture, and material for the partner in question. He may be latex allergic!

I have tried, pretty unsuccessfully to build a collection of the greatest rock (and other) albums of all time, but there are very, very few albums that are consistently fine. The only ones I would really give an absolute top rating to are:

Bob Marley -- Kaya

Santana -- Abraxas

Jimi Hendrix -- Electric Ladyland

Rolling Stones -- Let It Bleed

Eagles -- Hotel California

Fleetwood Mac -- Rumours

Big Joe Turner -- Boss of the Blues

Robert Cray -- Strong Persuader

I have Sergeant Pepper, which is a landmark album all right, but it doesn't get played.

Of these the first three are way ahead of the others. I don't care that much for the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac albums, but they seem technically competent.

For long term listening jazz and blues seem more listenable.

OK, I am a "baby boomer" and stopped listening to rock music circa 1975, so there may be some world class albums from later eras. But I doubt if there are more than a handful.

Back in the 60s and 70s the BBC had a band called the Northern Dance Orchestra, that played light-pop orchestrations of popular hits like My Sweet Lord (He's So Fine). One of the members was Syd Lawrence, who split and formed his own band to play swing era music, believing that the music of Glenn Miller was the classical music of the future, and you know what, I am inclined to agree. Songs like Chattanooga Choo Choo and Perfidia are probably as close to perfection as you can get and will probably be loved after Dylan and the Beatles have faded away to a memory of Yesterday.

Right now I would just as soon sing along and dance to the Syd Lawrence Orchestra. In fact I think I will do that right now.