Letters to the Editor
designated_knitter
Published Letters: 116 Editor's Choice: 3
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If this is the worst thing wrong in your life, I would be happy to trade...
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW (and all the other "beautiful people" on this thread obviously have waaaaaay too much time on their hands. I'm 44 and have two boys -- one with autism. I work full-time. My husband has been self-employed and had to go through bankruptcy. I was nearly killed in a taxi cab accident (but recovered) and the vast majority of my day is spent working and providing insurance for our family and/or taking care of my family -- + four dogs, 2 geckos, and 2 betta fish with a horse on the way.
I don't have time to spend hours in the mirror looking for new wrinkles. I don't have time to worry about whether other women are better looking than I am because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.
I don't feel sorry for myself. I enjoy my life. It is a fun wild ride (sometimes a bit too wild) and even though I'm 44, by hanging out with my kids and watching them experience things for the first time with wonder and awe, it makes me feel like a kid again with all the awe and wonder.
I don't care whether others look at me and think "why does she bother". Doesn't even come up on my radar. All that matters to me is whether my boys are happy and healthy and growing into the kind of person who makes this world a bit better just for having been here. What matters to me and what *I* think about is being the kind of wife that my husband wants me to be. What matters to me is that I continue to grow emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually and never take my life for granted.
I think what LW really needs is a good dose of some personal misfortune. I don't mean a few wrinkles and gray hairs. I mean dealing with a seriously ill relative, losing her job, personal health issues. These are the types of things that real people deal with on a daily basis.
While such things are not fun (by definition), they certainly give you a sense of perspective regarding what is truly important in life. It makes you stronger so that little things like a random hair that keeps growing on your chin suddenly isn't that big a deal. Your looks don't define you. Your life and how you choose to live that life is what defines you.
It all comes down to "that which doesn't kill you makes you sronger." (of course, the corollary to that is "that which doesn't kill you merely puts off the inevitable!"
So quit spending so much time looking in the mirror or checking out your "competition", go borrow a kid from some place and go to the beach and start looking at life through their eyes. You'll feel 40 years younger and be so much happier.
In other words, grow up and quit your bitching.
Cheers...
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Hire a professional organizer
[Read the article: Our house is so messy my husband's threatening to leave]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've only read through page 10 of the letters and so far hiring a housecleaner, counseling and flylady seem to be the prevailing wisdom -- all good ideas.
I've been going through the same thing. I've dubbed myself a "slothaholic". I relate to the "stuff becomes invisible" to me. I also couldn't understand that in the grand scheme of things like health of our children, working full-time and providing a good income and benefits for our family, how this could be such a big deal to my husband. It is sort of "if the worst thing I have done in my life is left my clean laundry unfolded, then I'm ok with that".
But then I realized that it doesn't matter why it is important to him. It just *IS*. As many people pointed out, it isn't worth getting divorced over. Being a single parent sucks waay more than having to change.
Having one massive "clean sweep" and having a fresh start is a good first step. But then there is maintenance. If you consider this to be like any other lifestyle coach, you will need someone to come in and keep you honest. A professional organizer can come in and help you with the "clean sweep". They will help you get things done without the emotionally charged discussions that will naturally occur with your spouse. They will give you ideas for how to dispose of stuff so that it isn't "wasted". They will help you set up a system to deal with all the paper and crap that comes into the house every day. AND most importantly -- they will come back once a week or however often you need them to help you remain accountable and continue to provide motivation. Think of it as a personal trainer for fitness.
The idea here is that someone isn't doing it for you -- they are doing it WITH you. Ultimately you are responsible in the end and if you are paying someone 40 bucks an hour to come back and keep you honest, sometimes, that is all you need to keep things going or get back on track.
To find a professional organizer in your area, check out the NAPO website. Find someone who specializes in the "Chronically Disorganized". Step 1 is admitting you have a problem and that you need help. Fortunately, help exists. It is a lifestyle change -- just like dieting, overspending, exercising. If you need an external motivating force and ongoing coaching to help you -- do it. Even if it doesn't fix your marriage, you will feel better as a person and hopefully it will set a good example for your children.
Good luck!