I think Cary really hit the nail on the head here.

Maybe I was immature, but I was married to a half-asleep man for ten years and would try all kinds of hystrionics to get a rise out of him. I'm not saying that this is what's happening here but the LW definitely needs to take a stand for himself.

I wonder if the wife has always been an open marriage type or if Mr. E has been brainwashng her.

I also notice how many people are focused on whether or not the wife and Mr. E have done the deed. Given the choice, I think I would rather have my husband have a soul-less affair (using a condom of course) that have a soul-mate friendship. In other words, the word "affair", in my mind, means more than just having a sexual encounter.

I feel badly for this man and I hope the wife settles down and figures out what she;s really looking for in her life. Might they try therapy to see if they can air their thoughts about their marriage/life more articulately? Good luck.

Yes, we all have a right to our feelings, anger being one of them. The trick is, as I am trying to learn, to let the anger go so that it doesn't eat at you and color the rest of your life. Its very hard to do when you've been hurt by someone you care deeply for, someone who "should" be looking out for you. Its a lot different than other types of anger I think. But learning how to see that we are all unique, complete with flaws and capable of disappointing helps. Very often people don't mean to hurt others in this way - it just happens.

I hope you'll see that knowing you've done the best thing for your kids will fill up your heart with good feelings and love, and that love, rather than hate, will color all other aspects of your life beautifully!

Best wishes to you.

I find it interesting that what is arguably the biggest issue in this letter - the husband or rather the LW's relationship wiith him - is barely mentioned - "there is not enough time" - but there is plenty of time to recount the LW's ups and downs which seem pretty irrelevant.

The LW seems quite self-centered and involved with her own feelings. I wonder how her husband feels, especially since he is supporting her fiinancially and, perhaps, emotionally. Does the LW feel guilty and therefore doesn't want to bring up that piece of the puzzle?

I don't get a good sense of who the LW is, what makes her tick and breathe and laugh and cry. Maybe she is stifled by the home situation. I know that can happen but I think she still needs to learn about herself, figure out who she is and what her place is in this world, and learn to love and trust everything around her. Take time to try and understand the person that is her husband. Look around and smell the roses. Get herself up on her own two feet gently - get a job, volunteer - and please, please don't rush into the arms of another for the sake of your child. It is one thing to divorce, another to marry again.

As a child of divorce and as a divorcee myself, I made a few deals with myself when I left my husband: That I would not expect to find another man, that I would always put my children first, that I would never speak badly about my ex-husband in front of or to my children but rather speak well of him and stress his good points, that I would learn to let go - of disappointments, criticisms etc. of him and let my children be with him and have their own relationship with him and trust that all would be well (of course I knew that he wasn't overtly harmful in any way).

I encourage you to make a similar pact with yourself if and when you leave. You must go into divorce with your eyes wide open. As one writer said, you may not stay toogether for the sake of your child, but I say you can make sure you take care of your child thereafter.

It's such an interesting subject. Does it make you happy?

There are some people who have a lot of money and pretend that they don't. There are some people who don't have any but act like they do. And then there are those who don't have it and are angry at those who do. It goes on and on.

To the LW, you are who you are. Be proud and happy of your life and your ways. It's not a defect or flaw of yours that you can't afford $200 jeans. Some people who have millions of dolars think $200 is too much for a pair of jeans. And as I wrote before when this issue came up earlier this year, everyone has their limit - from the homeless guy on the street to Bill Gates. Everyone has to draw the line somewhere and they have to choose where that will be. I know people who will spend whatever on their prize possession, be it a horse or an airplane or their garden, only to drive a 15 year old car that is about to fall apart.

Stick to your guns, don't let who you are dissolve just for this guy. Be strong - let him pay. Don't pay for more than you think you can. It's important that you follow your well laid out plan. Look out for yourself, take care of yourself. Let him take care of you and there are other ways you can take care of him - perhaps by helping him find other more satisfying things to do. I loved one writers suggestion of charitable work or giving.

Find out if he really cares for YOU.