but I don't get the big deal is about secrets. It's not that hard and it sounds like you're trying to justify your letting it go by putting the onus on her and HOW she asked you to keep the secret/

People have their own reason for not wanting the issue to become common knowledge, so be respectful of that, its important to them. Just put it away in a corner of your mind a ignore it. Its not about you, its about them, so leave it there and leave it alone.

I don't know anything about the south but I do know about being an uprooted 12 year old. The question there is "Are you going to be there for your son?". If you move to a decent neighborhood and school system, he will probably be fine. The most important thing is that you are there for him. If your job takes up more time, if you fall in love etc., make sure that he is your number one priority and that you are taking with him, spending time with him and listening to him - and if he doesn't talk much, just sit with him. He needs to know you are there.

Dear LW,

I have rarely to never seen this too, so I don't blame you at all. ONE time, a gay friend of mine went to kiss me on the lips when we were saying good-bye and I found myself squirming a bit, but assumed it was a gay thing! In any case, I would probably raise an eyebrow or two too but hopefully you've heard from some lip-kissers here to set your mind at ease.

And Marc2209 or whatever, what's the *@!* does this have to do with washing a (presumably your own) baby's penis?? That was pretty silly. We all have things we're squeamish about, especially if it's foreign to us and seems a bit taboo.

but I think you sound like a selfish jerk. YOU were the one who "switched off" his feelings. Has it ever occurred to you that she has spent the last 11 months trying to get over you and get her feet back under her. Has it ever occurred to you to even think about what she might have been going through after you ditched her? I think you have a lot of nerve to accuse her of switching off her feelings. How about stepping up to the plate and showing her the respect she deserves by apologizing and leaving her alone. Then go spend some time considering that other people have thoughts and feelings too.

Thanks for the Mary Oliver link. I love her work and it was a nice surprise to see a picture of her which I hadn't seen before!

I think everyone's problem with this guy stems from the fact that he is basically lying. He says he doesn't drink but he does!

The question is not whether he has an addiction problem, it's whether he is an honest person.

I'm concerned for you. This is why:

"I have spent the past five years thinking that if I do exactly what he wants, he will eventually be satisfied. But anytime I fix one thing, he finds something new that keeps me a stone's throw away from being that perfect woman he was expecting all along. He isn't perfect. Why do I have to be?"

If you've been spending the last five years trying to be perfect so that he doesn't get angry at you, I am deeply worried about you.

Please first go to some counseling or figure out a way to strengthen yourself because you have lost some perspective. Spend some time sitting with how you see an ideal relationship, how you see your life unfolding, what you love about this man and about yourself. Watch others who are in good relationships and observe how they act towards one another.

You are right that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes in the course of a day. Make sure that your boyfriend loves YOU, that he has your back, that he respects you, that he is not threatened by you but that you add to his good life - not that you make or break it.

Please look out for yourself.

Sounds like the wife has been dissatisfied for a lot more than 1 1/2 years - I wonder about the drinking and what damage that caused. It also sounds like there is a serious lack of communication between these two - denial, feelings kept inside, things magically happening (instantly, suddenly, quickly). I think there's more to this than meets the eye and suspect they've been out of touch with each other the whole time and now the wife has had enough.

I love the idea of mentoring. You have something valuable to give and a relationship with a younger group might be soul lifting on many levels. I am a mentor and I heartily recommend it. Also, have you thought of trying a different genre? Like children's books or teenage books or non-fiction. Maybe its time to have a little fun with your writing and get rid of the pressure.