that you are quick to accept your husband's position and gang up against the family. I think you need to be careful, look deeper and take a more sophisticated view of things. As Cary says, your husband has put issues into a box and somehow, some way, they may come back to haunt him and you will need to be there for him when they do. It would be better if you weren't blindsided at the same time. It may be that if you have children, and they turn 13 or whatever age your husband was when his Dad died, that a torrent of unexpected, seemingly unexplainable feelings come over him.

But then again, maybe you are just the kind of person to live in the moment and take it as it comes. And there's nothing wrong with that, its just not how I operate - so maybe my point of view is useful in some way.

That was a great letter Cary, thank you. And to the LW, it is a bad place to go, that place where you compare or feel the need to take measurements of others and yourself. I think you would be surprised at how many people feel the way you do, how many people have interior lives that are complete with anxiety and some kind of pain. I am 48 and am finally admitting that I have suffered depression and low self-esteem my whole life. A medical illness put my life on hold for two years and that only increased my feeling of getting left behind, as well as adding a few new fears to my list! I have much to be thankful for but it is very easy to go to that place of doubt and worry. I've found Pema Chodron's books very helpful. She writes in a loving, kind and humorous way. Another thing you might do is to get your birth chart read and have it interpreted by an expert. You will find some interesting things out about yourself and you will also have some things confirmed. The beauty of astrology is that characteristics can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you use them. You don't really have to believe in it, but it can give you a framework or a different perspective. Good luck to you. I think you will be just fine.

I have a brother who is kind of like this. If he has a dime in his pocket, he spends a dollar - and all to buy fancy stuff - clothes, parties, wine, cigars, dining, trips, etc., etc. - that makes him look like a well-to-do fop. He's never really worked, long story how he's made it this far, and now he's HUGELY in debt. He still acts like nothing is wrong in spite of the fact that he owes so much money. Over the years we have tried to talk some sense into him with the various methods that only family excel at (esp. big sisters and brother) - teasing, cajoling, rolling eyes. At this point, I am tired of it all and angry, so I am distancing myself from him. If he calls me, fine, but I am not seeking him out. The writing has been on the wall so to speak and he made choices. He has not paid honest & hard-working people for their work and services. I think he is a crook.

Sometimes the brain does funny things and it often does exactly what we want it to do. If your friend wants to believe all this stuff, then he will. I imagine he has very low self-esteem and it diminishes more and more as he avoids legitimately trying to work on it.

You're free to spend your free time as you like;

you're free to choose with whom you will spend time;

you're free to choose with whom you won't.

Make a choice that you can stand by;

don't make a choice that you will continually bore other people with the feebleness of;

it gets tiring to hear people whine about their bad choices.

Dear LW, I hope you figure this out. I hope you will get credentials in a fairly mainstream way so that you can spread the word to mainstream people. Our eating habits are destroying us! I have never gone to a doctor or therapist who asked "What are you eating?" Look at what people are eating & drinking- the soda! White flour! No wonder our teenagers can't wake up in the morning - they have hangovers from all that sugar! Buying healthy food at the grocery store is very difficult. I'll bet that 80% (maybe more) of the products in the aisles are unhealthy. And then there's alcohol & cigarettes! Good luck to you. I love your attitude. We can't solve everything with a pill.

I just love this answer. I've been going through the same sort of thing myself for the past 7 months, yes 7, jesus!

What some you don't get is that LW is asking how to move on. She already realizes this guy is no good for her, she knows she would not take him back if he came crawling back.

I like Jperiodperiod's post - yes, just like withdrawal - some people just have that effect on you, in my case it was a little runt of an alcoholic - but OMG I hung in there like the person at the end of the crack the whip until I'd been cracked a few too many times.

I'm getting strong again, working hard and indulging a bit here and there - looking for the magic pill that will get him out of my mind and body. But it looks like the answer is time, and lots of it. But I really like Cary's answer and I will keep thinking it on the front burner to help me stay on track.

Best wishes LW.