I'm a bit sensitive about this subject at the moment after ending a relationship with a man for this reason (and a few others). What is it with guys that they can't ask questions, give compliments, show appreciation, admit they were wrong and apologize? Sorry, as I said I'm a bit sensitive.

Dear LW,

1. Ask questions - about your daughters day, her frirnds, her life, without ulterior motive. Get to know her. Sit with her and just do nothing.

2. If she does something for you, remember, she didn't have to and think of what a GOOD THING it is for a person to have the motivation to do something for someone else. Be grateful - your kid could be a selfish brat. TELL HER how and why you appreciate.

3. Give her a compllement - on ANYTHING. Think of hwat you admire about her, maybe its something different from you. There must be SOMETHING for heaven's sake. What do you love about her, what do you respect her for. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING and we're not talking about climbing the corporate ladder stuff.

4. If you make a mistake, forget something, do anything wrong - apologize. NOT BECAUSE that;s the right thing to do but because of HER FEELINGS which are important.

Remember, she has feelings, motivations, loves, fears, desires, dislikes that are completely her own and you need to learn about and honor and respect that. Set an example of caring, respect and thoughtfulness.

Just some thoughts (rants and raves) ...

My concern isn't over what you might say in your sleep. but the crushes you "maintain" (interesting choice of words). You might think its harmless and means nothing to have crushes on other men but be careful around your man with this, if you really care for him and want to have him in your life. He may or may not see this the same way and it could be hurtful to him.

I heard this once from some kind of relationship counselor - always respond with a question, unless someone is asking you a question of course. Focus your interests outward, and with curiosity, about the person with whom you're talking, about the world around you. Ask questions about everythng and anything - it makes for a much more interesting conversation. "what if ...?" "why do you think ...?" "when was it that...?" You may learn a few things in the process!

how being "different" has much to do with this. You're looking for something you haven't found yet ... so? I've been looking for just one good man for a long time and I haven't found him!

We are all different.

Being different is a unique problem when others put you down or harass you for it, which is really sad and not right, otherwise you just have the same old problem that everyone has - they can't get what they want!

What? They make full sugar Fresca?

I just want say thank you - to the LW for bravely and excellently writing your letter, to Cary for having such insight because you've been there and being able to write your thoughts so wonderfully, to the kind commentors who are supportive, encouraging and most importantly, UNDERSTANDING, of the LW - you are all awesome. Taking the time, baring your souls and digging deep for insightful and honest reflections and ideas is something special indeed.

To the naysayers, we are all different and unique. I think it would behoove you to consider that every other person has a different experience of life than you do, and comes to it with different tools. Imagine what a better place this world would be if we all made the effort to understand one another better and not just the limited viewpoint of ourself.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". Plato

Lovely and perfect, again, Cary! Thank you!

If you're planning on having children, it might behoove you to give this a little thought in advance. I mean in terms of letting the children make up their own minds about how they see their grandparents and keeping your mouth zipped, setting a good example in the grace & tolerance department.

By the way, I think your fiance sounds potentially controlling - could this be happening elsewhere in your relationship? Better think about that too!

Hey there, LW, please, please, please give us some more info. There are lots of us here who would like to help but we need to know what you like to do & how much you can spend!

"What about those of us who are genuinely different?"

This and what follows is making me a little uncomfortable, Cary. I really don't believe that those "who do best" in this world are conforming. I think individuals are celebrated quite reasonably.

However, be careful here. Those who "do best" while allowing their unique character to shine are still following some rules. The unique character is beneficial perhaps (as opposed to harmful) to the world at large, honest & open about what it is. Otherwise, it can be hurtful & dangerous. I am thinking of people who have impulses that are potentially damaging to themselves and others. If you have an addiction problem, fine, but be open about it. It hurts to be the one who falls in love with you and then realizes that you love something(s) above and beyond everything else and that you've been hiding and denying this substantial fact, and intend to go on celebrating your differentness. And obviously, there are other fringes out there that are downright illegal.

Just a word of caution when you're talking on the internet about letting your freak flag fly!