I have to agree with Peggy Carey. This woman seems to want to wallow as evidenced by her not writing clearly about what she did but very descriptively, as if she enjoyed choosing every single word for effect, what she is feeling now.

I'm not exactly sure what she did either but having an affair and leaving your children seems to be an extremely self-centered act, especially if you havent thought through all the possible consequences.

Wallowing is not going to help. She needs to face up to what she did and move on. Sorry to be harsh but after 30 yearrs of marriage she is no babe in the woods, even if she were, I would probably feel the same.

Your children should always be your first priority if you choose to have them. Yes, its hard to be so reponsible all the time but that's the deal, that's the right thing to do and that's what will keep you on the right path.

I don't believe the wife has respect for this poor guy. Now that he's standing his ground, the playing field is levelled. Sex can really complicate things when its not the free-expression of love that Cary talks about. better to leave the sex out of this relationship until they can get to a place where they both truly respect and care for one another, if they can. The wife should see a therapist too because obviously she has anger and some unhealthy methods of (trying to) resolving it. She can't be a happy soul acting the way she has been - but does she see that?

As mp says, this is a worldwide problem that gets little press. From Ms. Havrilesky's description of this Frontline program, it is ony scratching the surface. Becuase of AIDS, young girls are kidnapped, stolen, sold by relatives or friends to work in the trade. Virgin girls are highly desirable. Often the only way out is death by AIDS. They are forced to work without condoms, raped. beaten, tortured. And that is just the beginning...

This is an absolutely unthinkable encroachment of human rights, and for what? It is so sad that men have such low regard for women and such high regard for their "needs". It is basically condoned rape in many instances.

Nicholas Kristoff has written some good op-ed pieces for the New York Times.

Please learn more about this terrible, terrible subject and give, if you can, to organizations that are trying to battle it. Contact your congressmen and tell them that laws against trafficking in humans need to be resolved and a stronger stance needs to be taken against countries that turn a blind eye to this practice.

Really nicely stated today Cary!

I think Whetstone is the voice of reason from the peanut gallery today. The guy wants to pursure a career (hopefully that's the truth!). There is nothing wrong about that. He wants to move on. It happens.

The LW must stay put with her child. That's the right thing both for the child and the father. As a parent I couldn't imagine having my children taken away to another town or state. It would kill me.

People, your children are priority number one! You made the choice to bring them into the world, now you must take care of them in a loving way!! By doing that you are loving yourself more than anyone else can.

Thanks.

What some of you have been through makes my "turning point" seem pale, but nonetheless, when my parents divorced and turned my world upside down, I was changed forever.

All I ever wanted to do was to have children. Now that I have them I can see why. I am a pretty good parent and I know things from my upbringing and the divorce that make me an even better parent.

To the LW, keep trying, keep trying, keep trying, to move forward. It may take a long, long time. Keep your eyes open for what you love, what fills your soul, what you connect with whole-heartedly. Not in order to forget what has happened, but to embrace who you are and what you know. You are different now, you are deeper, you can see and feel better. It will all make sense someday if you keep your eyes and heart open in spite of the pain. You will have better days and worse days. Some days you might wallow, some days you might sing, some days might make no sense whatever, but you will work your way along and you may find yourself, eventually, more content that you ever would have been.

I write not because I don't appreciate fully what Cary writes, just to add my two cents and let you know you are not alone.

Way to go Cary. Great advice. The only thing I'd like to add is that I find it very sad for the brother in law that he is going through life like this. I am surprised, if the wife is so friendly and approachable, that no one has discussed this issue with her. It sounds to me like the guy needs someone to help him break his silence - a professional. Perhaps this pattern of silence could be broken if his wife encouraged him to seek help.

"Like how if a Christian hijacks a plane, of course, we only identify him or her by his nationality and suggest s/he is mentally unstable i.e. the headline goes something like "Swedish man attempted to hijack plane" NEVER "Terrorist Christian ..."

If a Swedish man hijacked a plane in the name of some war his church advanced, then he probably would have been described by his religion.