I don't believe in affairs, either the physical ones or the ones in your head. You've made a commitment to someone. It's not just a commitment to not have sex with anyone else, it's also a promise to love and cherish your beloved above everyone else.

Wanting to have an affair or stumbling on to one means something is missing. You have a gaping hole that needs to be filled, and the only person who can fill it, is you, not someone else, not your husband. You've got a problem in your life, you get it fixed. You need to take charge and take yourself to the mechanic, not succumb to behavior that is irresponsible, hurtful and selfish.

Some people boast about how committed they are, how faithful, because they've never had an actual affair. But they flirt with everyone they come across and become enamored of some person they just met. They are always looking, always easily impressed. Is that not as hurtful and unthoughtful as an actual affair? And most sadly, s the "cheater" any closer to being a happier and fulfilled person by his/her actions?

I liked Cary's suggestion to get to know yourself. Get to know what you need to feel fulfilled that doesn't hurt the people you should be holding dearest.

Cary, wow. Well done.

I have parents who are quite wealthy. They didn't earn their money but inherited it. They have had a really fun time buying big toys, redoing the house many times, building vacation homes, vacationing, traveling. They have been very good to us kids but we didn't inherit much. I've never had the confidence and motivation to be a big paycheck earner. So I live a fairly frugal life. My sofas need to be recovered, my roof needs to be repaired. It is hard at times not be envious and even a little mad, but I focus on how well off I am in comparison to some other people who don't have a home or enough to eat. I work at being happy without an emphasis on material goods. It is challenging at times, but there is nothing else to do. We all have to learn to be happy if we aren't already.

Cary, wow. Thank you for that!

There is a huge part of this story that is missing. Where is the ex-wife, mother of the boys?? Do the boys see her, spend time with her? Where does she live? Is she in an apartment somewhere scraping by? Is she providing a stable second home? Is she perhaps putting notions of inheritance into the boys heads?

I personally don't believe in kids being "spoiled". Kids need parents who set an example, are consistent, stable, provide a safe haven from the world at large, and are there for them day in and day out. If the kids are acting up, its not necessarily that they need a "beating". More likely they need someone to sit down with them and listen to them. They need some attention and direction.

This sounds like a pretty messy situation and we aren't getting nearly the whole picture. Counseling sounds like a good idea to me.

OK, yes they have changed. But there were plenty of miserable people in the "good old days" when everyone wasn't so damned selfish.

Yes, people think of what they want and put themselves first. I don't believe that hasn't always been true. In the good old days, there was a model to follow. It happened to work for some but it didn't work for everyone. Nowadays, there are some happy drifters out there, there are some happy single folks, there are happily and unhappily married people. There is not so much of a stigma attached to any of those categories.

LW, you are who you are. You have to trust your instincts. The point is that if you get married, you want it to be forever and if you don't think you are capable of adoring your spouse forever the way you'd like to, then you probably aren't going to capable. That's how you feel and there's nothing wrong with that.

Try to enjoy your life and be a good citizen!

I think you have a very good point. I am going to look for that book. Thanks!

I don't remember any mention of your husband. I hope that he is a part of all this since she is his actual mother. And with any advice coming your way, I hope the "you" means you AND him. I hope that he will be part of this (very good) proactive plan - on board with it firmly if you (not he) are the one to initiate the discussion with the sisters, but better if it is you and him together.

Good luck. It sounds like a potentially bad situation but so many problems can be avoided by planning and communicating at the beginning. If there was ever a time (to learn) to be proactive, this would be it!

Mchelle Obama's butt and jackie Kennedy's butt have nothing to do with who they are. If you asked them about their own butt's they'd give you a look like "What butt?".

Mrs. Obamas grace and elegance comes from the fact that she is not self-conscious - she has other things on her mind that are much more important.