I hope you go too because it sounds like the cruise will be better than what;s going on at home in any case. Having said that I also understand the horrible feelings of anxiety and depression. A rare medical illness that I had last year caused me to experience anxiety on a regular basis and, believe me, I thought it was worse than anything I'd ever gone through! I am still working on keeping at bay.

I think you need a plan and you need to practice your anxiety abatement procedures. What helps me is to work on being in the present and noticing things around me. I f you were on a ship you might look at the doors or the floors or the sky or ocean and just be there and nowhere else. Also I ask myself "what is special about this moment?". It could be as simple as the shining sun or the falling rain.

Plan B is an escape route, other than jumping, in case the gig on the ship is totally not your thing.

It may be completely delightful to get away from your current situation and be in a new and alien environment. That can be very refreshing. However, if you are prone to depression, it is possible the trip is not going to be mind-altering and life-changing. Be sure to expect that too. Be ready to look for the positive aspects of it and not get too down if its not everything you expected. There will be good things happening no matter what.

Best wishes to you!

Ever!

It is a sign of disrespect, insecurity, stupidity, lack of empathy, self-centeredness - just for starters.

Its not the size of the lie or what its about that matters. Its the act of lying. If you lie, you think its OK to lie, you will lie again. You are untrustworthy.

It will not get you any place you want to be.

I think part of my disgust and depression around 911 stems from the fact that I am at an age where I feel my generation is beginning to take the reins so to speak. And what have we been left with? What a mess. And then I think of my wonderful children - ay yi yi!

I also have anger at people close to me - men I have been in relationships with, family members. My problem I know, not good for the universe I know, but still it crops up.

I have obtained some good thoughts and ideas from the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. She writes in a very gentle and humorous way explaining the concepts of loving kindness and others central to Buddhism. Sometimes it flies out the window, but it has become increasingly easier to summon it back again and get to a peaceful place.

I would recommend "The Wisdon of No Escape", "The Places that Scare you" and "Comfortable with Uncertainty" although the last you would have to find second-hand.

Best wishes to you. Remember to start by being gentle with yourself.

do you find out all this very personal stuff by Googling someone?

That being said, I agree with Cary, although something gnaws at me in the process, and think you should tell her BUT you must be absolutely clear about your motives. Yes, then you walk away.

How do you find out all this stuff Googling someone???

To the LW,

Everyone here has their opinions. Everyone here has made a mistake in their life, maybe not in their marriage, but somewhere. But NO ONE is in your exact shoes. This is part of being a grown up, part of being a human being - you must make your own decisions and live with them. Part B of that is optional but highly recommended - that you learn and you keep learning. Notice it all -what you did right, what you did wrong, why and how. So that more often you can do the right things and less often do the wrong things. With a decision like this you often trade one set of problems for another - see if you can determine what those might be ahead of time so you don't get surprised.

Good luck.

I love how you want to garb life by the horns after you have been knocked down!

Because you don't mention real specifics, I get the feeling you don't really have a plan yet and are still talking a bit in the abstract about what you want to do. Certainly its not crazy to want to make a change - plenty f people do it and they haven't even faced what you have exactly. I suspect you make your F&F's a bit nervous because they're not really sure what you mean and they're afraid they might lose you and life as they now know it. Maybe its time to sit down and start planning and talking in more absolute terms. Maybe when you start doing that you will decide you really do want to move to some tropical island or care for orphans in Africa or maybe you will find that after an interesting trip and some skydiving you are content to go back to your life as you know it but with some kind of daily/weekly wake-up call to make it more meaningful and exciting.

I was sick for a year and a half with a rare illness that has been solved now. I have never felt so alone. It was a bizarre experience that no matter how much I talk about, and people's eyes start to glaze over pretty quickly, I can't share it - its my own. So there is that part of me that was so intensely affected but only I can own it. I recommend reading Pema Chodron for help with being gentle with ourselves and others, being in the present, and being a catalyst for good by not buying into anger and negativism.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have fun!