thank you for bringing this up. in spite of my advanced age, i never realized that i am an introvert until recently. coming from a family of extroverts, i always thought something was wrong with me!

its so interesting to read these letters - the awkward dates. i have always hated going out to dinner - the worry of not having anything to say, chained to the chair! and i do tend to gravitate towards "athletic" dates.

still, i don't think the LW should get too hung up on the labeling thing becuse i'm sure there are many degrees of intro/extro. i love the email idea - my preferred method of communication, to a point (the possbilities for mis-communication can get you in trouble).

my initial reaction to this letter is that if she feels so uncomfortable around the guy, that's not a good sign. but we all have to take a leap every once in a while and see what happens. i would suggest something where they're not sitting face to face - a walk/hike, a ball game/tennis match etc./ . something easy and low pressure for the first date. but then its either going to work or not - no matter what category you put yourselves into - its out of your hands. as an introvert it is of the utmost importance that you are comfortable with the person, so you absolutely have to feel that you can be yourself or it definitely won't work as time goes on. try to find other introverts perhap who are older and in long-term relationships and observe how they are themselves. don't go thinking you need to find someone just like their s.o., just observe your "introvert mentors"!

good luck!

Yes, I totally agree with Carey - choose whichever one you'd rather go to and go, and try to have a great time.

But I do believe in being boringly honest. Just tell the friend whose wedding you're not going to the reason why. If they are a good friend (a friend worth having perhaps), they will understand. A sensible bride/goom knows this is just one (or two) days out of everyone's life - a lifetime of friendship is much more important. If this event is so important to the betrothed that they will sacrifice a friendship over it, then, hmmmmm, I think the wedding is more of an ego trip for them.

I remember, back in the day, friends, especially those girls who were "always the bridsesmaid", living on bare-bones income nearly going broke paying for their poofy bridesmaids dresses (that they wear one time and then give to the Salvation Army) and endless gifts for the couple and transpoprtation etc., . It seems so selfish to me on the part of the wedding hosts, who were often shelling out inordinate amounts of money for the whole affair, and I have never understood it.

That's an aside. I think the most important thing to remember is that its just one day and one would think being there for friends on a daily basis or when the going gets tough over the course of a lfetime perhaps should be more important.

A lot of anger here. You people who are so angry should really try to do something about it. It's poisoning you and our planet.

Anyone who enters into marriage does so of their own free will. Hopefully they are not so naive to believe that it will be a fairytale and they will live happily ever after. That would be just plain stupid.

Men have left their wives and children, wives have left their husbands and taken the children or left the children ... It works both ways and it hurts no matter what. But it happens and it's a chance you take. Every day of our lives we take chances. Some days we get gifts, some days we get dumped (on). Most days we have to make our own way and make our own happiness and success. Usually other people do not "have it in" for us - they are just trying to find their own way too, as messy as it may be sometimes, they are just trying to find their own way.

Nurturing your anger does no one any good, especially yourself. I wish you would try to let it go and make yourself happy and thus, others around you. We need to keep cultivating love on this planet or the anger will win out and we'll be doomed.

If you aren't averse to alternative therapies, you might look into BodyTalk.

Good luck to you. I admire your spunk!

If so, then stick with him. If not, don't expect anything to change and be prepared to take charge of everything.

I made that mistake. My ex-husband was a man of inaction though he told me all the things he wanted to do. I thought a stable environment, kids, my love would get him to a place where he could fulfil his dreams. Well, his dreams were just that, and he wanted to keep them where they were. He loved to talk about all the things he was "going to do" as if "going to do them" was the same thing as doing them! I'm on my own now, with the same reponsibilities as before but no one to blame but myself if things don't get done - a much better predicament at the moment.

My new mantra - if I don't love the guy pretty much exactly as he is at this moment, it's not going to work.