"we're all freaked out"

i love it - thanks for making my day Cary. yes, how have we gotten to where we are? maybe its because we talk about everything. but, hey, the girl feels bad about what she's feeling, so don't be so quick to judge her. i think she's trying to get around her "fat thing". we all have our likes and dislikes.

i don't think i could date/marry a fat person because i'm always moving and i'd like someone to always be moving with me. but that being said, maybe some fat person will come along and sweep me off my feet!

i don't think there's an anti-fat culture that is pervasive in the u.s.- there are too many fat people here. i see plenty of fat women who are married and plenty of fat men too. maybe the fat people are too sensitive. there are plenty of dumb blonde jokes around - that just makes the "dumb blondes" work harder - or get a sense of humor.

i'm just tired of this fat thing, and the money thing. and the dumb blonde thing and the lawyer thing. either we need to live and let live or get a sense of humor - probably both!

I think this poor kid has gotten him/her-sef into quite a predicament. I wish I knew the age of the LW.

I must say that I don't really see what talking to the Dad is going to accomplish. The LW did snoop into a private realm and hopefully has learned a lesson that "you may not like what you find and you may end up withh a lot more on your shoulders than you bargained for". Snooping may definitively sprovide answers but I really believe that usually the clues are there already.

I would give this kid some things to think and leave it at that. First of all, s/he was somewhere s/he shouldn't have been. Second of all, there is no telling what the gay porn means. Porn is not unusual, and that is that. Forget about it.

Things will unfold the way they will. Leave your Dad alone and focus on your own life. Your Dad may seem secretive but that is still not your problem - that's who your Dad is and that may not change. None of our parents are perfect. You need to try to cast his shortcomings from your mind and concentrate on making your own life what you'd like it to be. If you stay focused on what your Dad is or isn't doing, you will wake up one day and realize that you have wasted a lot of time.

Go Cary! You made my morning!

I just want to say thank you to the LW for writing this letter to Cary. I'm sure it has made a lot of people aware of the risks involved with LASIK and so this information can be spread to others and hopefully prevent this happening to someone else. I don't think I would ever be a candidate for LASIK but now at least if I hear someone else thinking about it I can steer them towards this column for a few alternative viewpoints.

Why is it that when some young person who "appears" to "have it all" writes questioning his/her life, certain responders jump on his/her back that he/she's whining, self-centered etc. etc.? Why is it that just because someone has certain material things that they are expected to have figured out the meaning of their life and are damned if they haven't or damned if they express an interest in trying to figure things out?

The anger that some people carry towards those who appear to be more wealthy than they is downright rude and disturbing. Go ahead and be angry at the person who stole your parking place, or the people who lied to you about our reason for sending thousands of young sons, fathers, brothers, friends, husbands off to war, or the person who manipulated the company reports leaving hundreds of people with nothing.

But why be angry at someone who is still potentially a valuable member of society? Someone who is still young and impressionable and doesn't have all the answers or even many of them? Who is trying to be a good person?

Why not help that person? If they are asking the right questions, why not help steer them towards something good? Obviously they care and are trying or they wouldn't be asking.

There is enough anger and hate in the world and it only hurts all of us. And if the day comes that the overall anger outweighs the overall love, we are all in big trouble. Think about it.

You are right - I went back to the letters and most of them are quite nice and thoughtful.

I hate to think that I have a chip - if I do I believe it is from many of the responses to some of the letters in the past dealing with people who are affluent. What I really wish for is that people with anger, any kind of anger, look at it squarely and honestly and try to resolve it because it is a sad way to live.

Just wait, the day is young ... oops, there's that chip again!