Letters to the Editor
kjwldn
Published Letters: 16 Editor's Choice: 2
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Believe it
[Read the article: I still have a job, but I've completely stopped working!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've been at my job for seven years, gotten promotion after promotion, and I still only work about eight hours a week. I got the promotions because I would come up with projects on my own to have something to do. The woman who had my job before me only worked about forty-five minutes out of the week. The rest of the time she instant-messaged her friends, shopped online, and planned her wedding.
I used to work as a temp, and it was amazing to me how many jobs consisted of just sitting there. As long as you were manning the phone, or giving an executive the appearance of importance by sitting outside his office, no one cared if you didn't do anything else all day. Admittedly, sometimes the regular person did work that the temp couldn't cover, but most administrative jobs have a lot of downtime. A LOT of downtime. I once served as a temporary replacement for a woman who assisted two executives, one of whom was on leave for a year, the other was in China and just kept a NY office for when he was in town. Literally, I filled in for this woman for a week and did not have to do a single piece of work. Not one thing.
I've realized that the disadvantage of my job is that I am bored, restless and feel that my work has little or no meaning most of the time. The upside is that I actually can do other things at work without, at this point, any guilt. I have a website I run that I am quite proud of, and I do most of the wiritng and layout at work. I've educated myself in the field I'm interested in by reading everything available online on a daily basis. I've got resumes out, and someday I'll find the right job and leave. But in the meantime, my "only working sometimes" job is hard to beat.
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Lease?
[Read the article: I let my friends stay with me and now they're evicting me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Everyone's presuming the LW has a lease, but I've got to say: I'm 35, and since my first rental at the age of 21, have had only one lease. Every other rental situation has been as a tenant-at-will. I assume from these responses that that's not as common in other parts of the country, but in my older East Coast city, where landlords live in the first floor apartments of double and triple deckers houses and rent out the upstairs apartments, it's very common. That may be why the LW wasn't clear about what name is on the lease - there might not be one.
Which doesn't change what my advice would be - see a lawyer if you can possibly afford one. Even if you move out, because these people will screw you over on utilities, etc. I can understand moving out to avoid the hassle of trying to get them to leave, but cover your bases.
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It is hard
[Read the article: I'm sexy and available! Chat me up!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In your follow-up you say: And the whole proactive dating thing just seems so hard.
Well, yeah, it is. It's scary to risk rejection. It's unnerving to set up dates with guys you've never met. You have to put a lot of effort in. But if you were looking for a job, you would do things, right? You would read the ads and send out resumes and ask people to keep you in mind if they heard about an opening. You would put some work in. Why should finding a boyfriend/partner/husband/lover be any different?
You may feel it should - because it's supposed to be that way. Because in the movies you love, and the books you read, love strikes like a thunderbolt. Or maybe it reveals itself slowly. But it doesn't have to be worked for, planned, searched out.
Unfortunately, in real life, past a certain age, it does. If you're in high school or college, your whole life is arranged to maximize contacts with other people. Nearly everyone is single and looking, and life is set up accordingly. But in your thirties, you're living in a world set up for couples and families. Those who are still single are often the shy ones, the ones who can find it hard to connect with people. So you have to work at it. And it is hard. But it's also rewarding.
I say this as a very average-looking woman who has found a wonderful man at the age of 35. I spent the last few years in a relationship with another man whom I had met during a concerted effort on my part to meet people - I held parties, accepted every invitation out I received, and made a serious effort to interact with people I didn't know when I did go out. That relationship ended, and I started again to look for someone. I asked out and was rejected by a lovely man I met at the farmer's market. Oh, well - try again. I tried internet dating, met a couple nice guys and one jerk - and I met the man who has made me happier than I've ever been. Frankly, I wouldn't have met him if I hadn't been willing to open my mind beyond my own prejudices. I usually go for artsy guys, he works in a bank. I've always dated tall men, he's just an inch taller than me. But there was something about his eyes in his picture that made me email him. I've fallen head over heels. He's a shy guy and would never have approached me. I'm so glad I risked contacting him.
Go ahead. Take a risk. Take a lot of risks. It's worth it. And meeting people can actually be lots of fun, if you focus on the other person.