I use to approach each new South Park episode hoping it wouldn't be a soapbox with which Parker and Stone would air their neocon beliefs. Now, I don't even bother tuning in because I just got bored with the material in general.

Before I tuned out I did notice that their bile was inordinately doused on those with "liberal" views. I don't recall seeing an episode that dealt with the boondoggle on steriods that is our misadventure in Iraq. And it makes sense since I vaguely recall Parker and Stone defending the Iraq war when they were promoting "Team America" (which was a complete ripoff of the short-lived MTV show "Super Adventure Team").

But I did see the episode in which they skewered "Family Guy". It seemed that jealousy was their muse in writing that one. "Family Guy" was a lowly-rated cartoon that critics disparaged until it found a second life on the Cartoon Network and through DVD sales. The organic popularity ultimately led to its rebirth on Fox. Fact is that "Family Guy" smears "South Park" in DVD sales and popularity (and yes, I understand one is on network TV and the other on basic cable).

Both shows revel in scat humor, but "Family Guy" is immensely more funny and original. And if anyone has a "right" to use his material lambast the War on Terror it's Seth MacFarlane because it's more personal to him than the average American. He was supposed to be on one of the planes to crashed into the WTC, but didn't have the right boarding time and missed the flight.

...I want to feel bad for all the "conspiracy theorists" because I believe they're ones with one or both of the following afflictions:

1)serious chemical imbalances stemming from inadequate serotonin within the synapses of the brain's hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.

2)unfavorable physical characteristics, e.g. obesity and facial unattractiveness, which have made them feel marginalized and invisible their whole lives, thus they cope by developing mindsets which give them the self-satisfaction of being one of a few who can decipher all machinations of a complicated world. That is, they feel they're smarter than everyone else.

But that is why I can't bear them, it's their haughty smugness and sense of superiority when they delineate their harebrained theories.

Look, bad stuff happens because we're not infallible. There are alot of incompetent people in this world. Unfortunately, many, through serendipity, determination, calculation (a conniving person can be an awful steward) and greed, end up in vital positions of power.

9/11 happened because we had too many incompetent, irresponsible people held important positions. Businesses fail because of them. The Clippers of the NBA and Lions of the NFL suck because of them. And so on.

And to assume that snaggle-toothed boobs with multiple invaginations of blubber hanging over their Levi's will recognize this is foolish, because that would disrupt their own reality to which they've become accustomed...and comforted with.

...sitting on the john, defecating nice solid turds in little time, and wiping with zero residue.

As I flush the toilet with one hand, I always lift my other arm and make the #1 sign with my index finger, a la Larry Bird winning the 1988 3-point shooting contest.

...Jackie Rogers, Jr., the albino lounge singer played by Martin Short?

Of all the quixotic endeavors the Krofft brothers pursued, the most dubious was their decision to open the world's largest indoor theme park inside downtown Atlanta's Omni (now CNN Center)in 1976. Though it opened with immense fanfare, broken rides and perhaps most importantly, location led to its downfall. This was when Atlanta was in the throes of white flight and any venture inside the perimeter after dark was viewed with paranoid fear. It closed in less than a year.

Though it closed, the park remained pretty much intact on the top floor for awhile. Back then, there was an ice skating rink on the bottom floor of the Omni, and I recall as a six-year-old in 1979 looking up and being freaked out by the whole setup.

But were on the verge of cultural reawakening (or reinhalation?) of the Krofft's talents. There is a "Land of the Lost" movie with Will Ferrell in preproduction, and when it comes out, momentum may start to bring back H.R. Pufnstuf and other classics. Actually, there was an attempt to bring back "Electra Woman and Dyna Girl" in 2001 with Markie Post as an older alcoholic Electra Woman (Dyna Girl ran off with her husband). Alas, the pilot wasn't picked up, but you can find it on You Tube.

Arguably, no two white men in history have donned the Jheri Curl better than Misters Carter and Sutton. What's the matter, Mr. Lowenfish? Are you some alopecia-stricken loser jealous of their shimmering, tightly curled manes and how gloriously regal they look?

Having a personal vendetta against white men with the God-given ability to pull off the Jheri Curl will get you no where in life. Just acknowledge and accept your hair-related shortcomings. You'll be a much happier person.

Does this mean I have to start watching "Barely Legal" videos with some guilt-ridden apprehension?

(in a Jerry Seinfeldesque voice) ... just what was the deal with Peppermint Patty?