LW-- you were not to blame for the abuse. Especially not the child-version of yourself. You were just a kid-- give yourself a break, you didn't know what you were doing then, just trying to survive a bad situation.

Your half-brother was a sadistic asshole. Who cares why he was the way he was?

Even if he was suffering too, you were the one he was kicking around and you never deserved to be on the receiving end of his frustrations. He was older than you, stronger (but only because of the accident of being born first by eight years-- not because you are in any way inherently weaker, understand?) He should have known right from wrong-- he should have been protective of you rather than a bully.

I am sorry you had to endure that, but am glad you survived. Hopefully surviving a bad childhood has provided you with some good survival instincts that you can use to your advantage as an adult. Hopefully the experience will make you compassionate toward children, maybe your own children, you can be more vigilant in protecting them and teaching them to respect & protect each other.

Sounds like you have some unresolved anger against him and the internalization is no longer working. Yes, there are a few abusive assholes among Salon's readership-- but the majority of readers are compassionate and knowledgable and have responded with compassion and wisdom to your letter.

Don't invite the assholes to abuse you-- I think you really did want some input from the compassionate people, but in writing your letter, you were listening to the internalized voice of that jerk bully of a brother telling you that you were a weakling for doing so, and so you are anticipating some verbal abuse as punishment for reaching out and telling the truth about your situation.

Why are you still listening to the voice of a 14 year old stupid jerk bully? As my 89 year old grandmother would say, tell him to go piss up a rope.

You have to learn to shut that recording off and instead listen to your true self.

It would be better if we didn't try to force everyone to stick around for graduation, since not everyone is cut out for it, but since manufacturing jobs went overseas, there isn't much else available for dropouts to do to get by in society.

Teenage massacre artists are just murderers, just young misanthropes or sociopaths who lack empathy for others and think the world owes them something. They attract bullying or benign neglect because they are difficult people to get along with. There is no justification for opening fire on innocent people, whether in a high school or a mall food court or a post office (this trend began in the post offices didn't it? "Going postal?")

Growing up is tough for everyone, the ones who have it easiest are the ones who can adapt their attitudes to the circumstances they are dealt. I switched school districts halfway through adolescence and went from a circumstance where I was ostracized by my original circle of friends to one where I was able to find a good and loyal circle of friends-- nerdy thoughtful proto-goth people who weren't popular, but channeled their angst into poetry art and music and survived high school with some pleasant memories, not having abused or bullied anyone else in order to enjoy the experience. Life doesn't have to be something out of a John Hughes movie.

The one thing I do think is needed is when there are assault situations-- i.e., the stereotype of the popular jock footballer preying with physical violence or harrassment of smaller or weaker guys-- there should be adult consequences, the ability to press charges for assault and battery as the case may be. I mean that for the wedgie and the swirly and the bra snapping and every other type of assault that grownups wouldn't tolerate in the larger society.

I am sorry you had such horrifying experiences in your young life Tomreedtoon. I hope that you will be able to come to terms with the past and with your own situation vis a vis this imperfect society without having to resort to violence (and without having to justify the violence of others).

LW-- I am sorry but I think your friendship with both the Other Man and his soon-to-be-ex wife is going to dissolve with their marriage.

You won't be able to sustain friendships with both of them once the split up occurs, unless they are very very evolved people who won't harbor jealousy and resentment at the idea of you keeping up a friendship with the other.

Probably in your heart of hearts you hope to continue being friends with the Other Man on whom you secretly crush. Maybe you want him to reveal his love for you, too? That would only put you in a difficult position considering you really love your husband, too. So that fantasy kind of sucks if taken to the dramatic extreme-- better to reject it and focus on your marriage.

The best thing is to keep the Other Man as your "work husband." You know, the pseudo-spouse that gets you through your workday. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_spouse

Be glad for that, because otherwise you will feel jealous and disappointed when he falls in love with a new person.