Even if she f*s up "big time"-- i.e., a pregnancy or getting arrested, chances are she will eventually grow up and get past this.

I wouldn't be so quick to assume that drugs are not involved. Her friends who stole your jewerly needed money for something-- probably drugs.

Also, her sullen attitude with you (and manipulative sweetness to the neighbors) can be indicative of a drug habit.

I think if you have any love for her (and I assume that you do because you are writing) you need to drag her to the OB/Gyn and make sure she gets on birth control, and since she is apparently receptive to adults who treat her as an adult, ask the doctor to give her a good straight talk about STDs and what happens to a woman's body during a pregnancy.

When you turn 18, the world suddenly stops talking down to you and starts treating you like an adult capable of making decisions. There may in actuality be a huge difference in maturity between a 16 and 18 year old, but then again, maybe not. In the olden times, 16 year women got married and started parenting and running households on their own. Think for example of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

I would also insist that your daughter get a job so she has money to spend on her clothes, supplies and car and gas if she is so inclined. Not a mickey mouse job, something that will give her time working alongside other grownups that have no skills and are essentially stuck. She will get to feel others treat her as a grown up, and perhaps also see that she wants a better future for herself if the job is menial and below her pay grade ideals.

My parents were extremely strict with me as a kid and I resented them tremendously at the time, but I wasn't out of control. I had nice respectable friends because my parents made it a point to personally meet with the parents of everyone I hung out with and if I said I was going to a friend's house, they called ahead to find out if there was supervision. When I started dating, they met my boyfriend's parents too.

That didn't mean I was 100% innocent-- teenagers DO sneak around even on the best parents just to get their particular needs met, as Cary states. And they are overrun by hormones and a desire to be independent-- it is a part of differentiating themselves from their parents.

But try to communicate repeatedly that your rules are not arbitrary are designed with her safety and well-being and good health in mind. That you love her even when she is being unlikeable, (and you like her when she is being herself and not this.

And don't be a fool as far as drinking and drugging goes. In most communities, pot and alcohol are often considered acceptable even among the nicest, most likely to succeed types.

I don't know how realistic it would be to get away for two or three weeks on a family vacation-- but going someplace remote like a cabin, where there is little else to do but perhaps some family oriented projects might help you get to know each other differently.

Your mom raised you during the day and your dad raised you during the night shift.

Parents raise their children. Other people "sit" or babysit the children.

Please go on about your upbringing. I am curious to learn more about your Mom and Dad. So far sounds like they had a true partnership.

She's a fearless person to keep exploring these tragedies in her writing. But after becoming a parent, I quit Jodi Picoult, Law and Order, CSI and Cold Case and any other children/victim fiction.

I also have to take VERY long sabbaticals from CNN.com and their missing/abused/dead child story du jour.

I didn't think this essay was incoherent-- it made perfect sense to me. I remember reading and re-reading the except from Life of Alex that appeared in Reader's Digest and how that traumatized me emotionally as a kid.

I think that Ms. Harding hits the nail on the head-- when you are aware of everything that COULD happen, life-- and parenthood-- becomes an exercise in non-stop, low-grade paranoia.

The only antidote to which is breathing deeply and enjoying the present moment when, for the time being, you know exactly where your children are and you can see that they are safe and well.

Maybe along the way she found a good hairdresser who helped get her through the awkward grow-out stage. Her children, being older, were more independent and she had more time to style her hair properly, thus enabling her to grow her hair longer.

Don't take it personally. Far too much time has passed for this to be anything spiteful against you.

Thin ladies with great beach bodies are not going to drink a Bacardi Breezer because of the calories.

Chubbier girls who don't count calories might actually enjoy the sweet alcoholic drink, however if too many people see these ads, they are going to stigmatize Bacardi Breezers as drinks for chubby unattractive girls.

So they won't drink these drinks, at least not in public. And if not in public, why bother at all?

Incidentally, men do this thing too, bring along less attractive wingmen.

I am glad that I am out of this scene.

This guy sounds great but the relationship is geographically challenged.

If it is meant to happen it will. Probably he will move to Atlanta, because he has family nearby, and if you are available you can see where things go.

But if not, maybe he has brothers or cousins that are of a similar temperment and personality that live nearby that you could befriend and possibly see if anything comes of it.

Don't heed anything Marc1234 or whatever his name is said.

The most cynical advice I have ever heard. Surgeons need love, too.