Okay, I will bite. If the genders were reversed, it would still be a bad idea. Because then the poor kid would be getting a drifty non-committal live-in pseudo "step dad" who resents his presence and the kid would be at a significantly higher risk of being abused and neglected. It doesn't matter the gender.

I don't think anyone is disagreeing with your sentiments that the 9 year old stands to lose the most in this lose-lose scenario.

But even if the LW is a self-absorbed twit--(personally, I think that most 23 year olds are self-absorbed, but she doesn't appear to be a "twit"-- she seems thoughtful, intelligent and fully aware of her moral and emotional limitations) that doesn't change the fact that this move is not in the LW's best interests, either and the posters who appeal to the LW's self-interest are going to have the best chance of convincing the LW to seek shelter elsewhere.

I am just going to chime in with the common wisdom here.

Just be the guy's girlfriend if you enjoy being with him. If you fear you will see less of him when he starts working this position-- well, see how that goes before you move in.

If he wants you to be a surrogate mom to his kid, let him buy you a ring and do it properly.

You don't want to move in, let the kid form an attachment to you and then when the relationship isn't what you bargained for, leave and then the kid is abandoned a second time.

Your guy is looking for an easy solution to a problem that is way more complex than he wants to admit.

I don't think you are being selfish for wanting to stick to your routine at the age of 23-- by not getting pregnant at 16 you earned yourself the right to live free at the age of 23.

Don't take this on. What if you yourself get pregnant during this little houseplay episode? What then of your future, career, dreams?

Just be his girlfriend for now-- if that is not enough for him let him ask you for a real commitment the right way so you can know exactly what you are getting into.

You wrote:

My grandma is still waiting to come home. My parents still tell her she will. Meantime, they have bought a new Cadillac and a houseful of furniture and guess where the money came from?

Tinwoman, you should let the nursing home know what is going on. When the money runs out, and she is still in that home, the nursing home is going to sue your grandmother AND your parents. Medicaid isn't going cover the amounts your parents are stealing. Nursing homes cost between $100K-300K per year.

You should talk to your grandmother, if she is still clear-headed, about revoking the power of attorney and naming you as her attorney in fact. If you can have the responsibility of writing that check out each month and keeping the rest of her money safe for future needs.

I am sure you don't want to see a big drawn out legal war in your family but understand that your parents are driving that Cadillac right to the courthouse.