The epidural is great. Especially if you are induced and on a pitocin drip, which can give precious little relief between contractions. Sometimes, labor takes a long time. You can go natural for the first 12 hours, then have epidural relief for a portion of it, say, the next ten hours leading up to transition. Then it can wear off and you can push naturally and feel all that pain if you really want to.

I have pushed a baby out after the epidural has worn off. It took four hours of pushing (after three days of labor). Maternal exhaustion was an issue that interfered with my being able to breastfeed my child through all of her nighttime feedings the first night of her life.

The second time, I made sure the epidural didn't wear off. No regrets. It was a happy experience both ways.

= > Not Garp's daughter---The Ellen Jamsien who killed Garp was his sister in law-- his wife's younger sister with a funny name I can't remember-- who years before had caught them making out.

My advice is, if you are working, check with your boss about how much vacation time you have and ask when is a good time to schedule a vacation. So, even if you get two weeks paid time off, if you work with an accounting firm, they may not want you to leave town during tax season. So you would wait a few months until the work load subsided, to make your office happy.

Once you have a date scheduled, take a look at how much money you have. If there is enough time, you can open a savings account specifically for a vacation fund and put some money away each paycheck via auto-deduction.

Once you know your budget, you can decide how far away you can afford to go given your time constraints. Will you afford a plane trip, or will you need to take a bus or maybe drive your car? Also, you can budget for your lodging. Camping and staying at hostels is much less expensive than staying at a four star hotel. But, you may find a motor lodge an affordable middle ground. Maybe you can visit relatives or friends and get free lodging. Bring a host's gift or contribute to their groceries if you stay at someone's house, so you are not viewed as a freeloader. Make sure you strip the bed and put your linens in the laundry at the end of your stay.

Remember to budget for food and maybe even entertainment, i.e., amusement parks, theaters, races, casinos, jet skis. There are almost unlimited possibilities, depending on where you go. A national park only costs you the parking/admission fee. A city park or county beach may not charge you a thing.

Really, once you have your budget set, think of a place you would really like to go, and see if you can afford it. Use a site like travelzoo.com or expedia.com to see what the costs of transportation and lodging will be. Or if you have a triple-a auto club card, call their travel agency for some advice.

Once you have determined a location that meets your budget and time constraint, make the necessary arrangements for either plan, train or bus tickets, or rental car reservations, and reserve your lodging. If you are leaving the country, make sure you get a passport!

You may want to involve family members or travel companions-- it will complicate the planning a little bit since you may have to work with other people's work schedules and budgets, but it may be worth it. Or, if you don't have friends or family but want companionship, consider joining a tour group through a travel agency.

So many possibilties. So much to look foward to. Bon voyage!

Kitchengirl asked:

"Really, was that meant seriously or ironically? I can't tell."

Seriously but my tone may have been ironic. Sorry to disappoint with the lack of a punchline. I took the LW at face value and assumed she had absolutely no idea how to plan a vacation. I decided to respond in the vein of a Google "How To of the Day" or Answer.com essay, which are always so useful assuming you have lived in a cave for the last fifteen years.

I agree with the post that said this letter was a Rosarch test of sorts. The letter is so brief and the author doesn't specificy whether she wants a practical response with instructions on how to take a vacation or a more esoteric contemplation of what a vacation really means and how to emotionally let go of the ties that have thus prevented her from taking some time off and enjoy life.

People who choose to have destination weddings should understand that not everyone can afford to go.

People who don't understand that are completely selfish.

I am sorry you are out the $1600. But cut your losses. This person is not your friend and probably was never more than a frenemy when times were good.

You can get over this, just like you would a bad romantic breakup, with time and time and more time.

It sounds like the other travelers got a benefit either by booking their airfare and hotel reservations early (rather than last-minute) and/or the resort in question is a "couples only" type of resort (like Sandals) that does offer a preferred rate to couples to discourage singles from booking rooms there.

If the LW and her husband were INVITED TOO LATE to get the early-bird discount-- then that would be an indication that they were B-list invitees at best.

LW may be a little oversensitive to the groom's nasty remark/"joke". Under the circumstances, I would have been too. I think she is much better off without these losers.