Sorry to hijack this thread to have a conversation-- but honestly Lifelike, you are a wonderful thoughtful wise person-- your letters consistently show this. You must re-read the things you say about yourself as if some stranger wrote them-- and see if they are really believable, what you would advise that stranger to do to stop suffering.

Ditch the users. Not to be all alone, but to make room in your life for better people. Nature abhors a vaccuum. So, make some room for better friends.

And if your family is really so hateful, thank the universe for all the experiences that have made you so compassionate and empathetic despite them, and start parenting yourself the way you should have been parented from the beginning.

I don't mean to be all Stuart Smalley, but I am a parent and I LOVE my kids with every electron running through me. And I tell them that they are lovable, worthy people every single day, as many times as I can, that they are a force of good for the universe and a gift to me and to all of us and I am grateful for them and that I want to care for them and teach them to be good because they are good. Hopefully, they will turn out okay. I have no idea-- but every child deserves to know it is wanted and loved and has a purpose. There is no greater tragedy than a child who is unwanted, neglected, abandoned, sold into slavery, abused. But the capacity for human perseverance and transformation is remarkable.

You would be a great parent, because even if your parents didn't love you the way they should have, or give you the kind of parental love that was your birthright-- you have learned compassion and empathy and you can start changing the intercom message running in your own head.

There is more to this than cliched daily affirmations, but it really is within your power to change your perception of yourself and the treatment you will accept from others, unless the drugs you have to take for your illness are making you depressed. You need to interrupt the 24-7 bad news broadcast with some constant reminders that you are good, dignified, and worthy of respect.

I really wish you the happiness and good health you absolutely deserve.