LW-- Your problems are above my pay grade and Cary's too.

If you wrote in looking for assurances that there is indeed a serious problem here, you should find more than enough validation that your feelings and instincts are correct and no, you are not the crazy one.

If your husband is completely unwilling to be a partner to you, to seek counseling and instruction on how to be a good foster parent to a clearly emotionally disturbed child, (assuming you are also personally willing to be a foster parent) then I would leave the situation.

All of the alarm bells rung by commenters here are rung for good reason.

Yes, the girl is testing you and your husband in the way that a child with attachment disorder will do. She is assuming this arrangement will ultimately fail and she is trying to push the failure along more quickly for the same reasons people rip a band aid off rather than go slowly.

She needs a good foster situation but you and your husband are either unwilling or as yet ill-equipped to be her foster parents. If your husband is unwilling to address this situation properly and get the proper training and then follow through on being the grown-up, you must leave for your own protection and sanity.

There is so much good advice here from people with social services, legal and educational backgrounds, I hope you will follow their advice. You have no good options for the short term but ultimately you can stand up for yourself and for what you know is the right thing to do for that child-- and do what little you can in your power to ensure she gets into a better fostering situation either with you and your husband or without you and your husband. That is your moral obligation-- not to sacrifice your life to a disturbed teenager's whims but rather to stand up and insist that the situation be addressed correctly and leave if it will not be.

I am sorry you are going through this.

I just cannot take this author seriously after that dumb Palin/Dominatrix soft porn essay. I mean, I looked at the headline, then I looked at the byline, and thought, oh, why bother reading anything this lightweight buffoon writes?

When the little boy disobeyed his Papa and tried to give his coin to the street lady selling bird feed, rather than invest his coin in the bank where his Papa worked, havoc ensued and his Papa got fired!

But then later on, Papa got a sense of humor and made the bank president die laughing. And so Papa got his job back!

Then the family all went out and flew kites together.

Have some perspective, LW. Remember how generous you used to be once before finally giving up on panhandlers. Let your boy live his life and become jaded and cynical in his own time.

So the government is driving him insane.

He found a reason to break up with you that doesn't have anything to do with you. "It's not you, it's me."

I disagree with Cary's advice. I mean, follow his advice and stay, try and be a mind reader and fantasize about how you just know what this man needs and wants better than he does, but consider also how hard your sense of self-respect and self worth will take a beating over the next several months, playing martyr and mothering a man who isn't sure about his feelings for you and can't say that he loves you as well during a crisis as he could during the good times. Life is ups and downs, not just good times.

If you loved your job and loved living in Ireland I would say, hang in there for your own enjoyment and be a friend to this guy so long as it isn't costing you anything substantial. Let the relationship unfold in its own time while you live your life with purpose and meaning.

But sounds like you are about to forego a dream for him and he's not the one asking you to do it. He's giving you an out that doesn't have to be bitter and doesn't have to be a closed door.

Go back to school. Be his friend, stay in touch, but just tell him you listened to his words and you take him seriously although you are disappointed that he hasn't asked you to stay. Keep the door open to friendship via email and facebook. Send him and his mom care packages and cards once in awhile, but otherwise move on with your life and assume a future that doesn't include him.

If and when he gets through this crisis he realizes he misses you and you are his one true thing, he will ask you to return to Ireland or he will come find you in the States. And you can see then whether your heart really rests with him or not.

I agree wholeheartedly. The only thing about Garrison's story that made me gag with revulsion is the idea of those panties being picked up off that filthy floor.

I am sorry for using the handicapped stall-- to my knowledge I haven't delayed anyone waiting though. I would always let the person who needs it more go ahead if that were the case.

Usually the stores and restaurants put their infant changing tables in those larger stalls Infants are sort of temporarily handicapped, too, in a way.

Minnesota sounds like a nice place, if a little bit rowdy.

You have an awesome alumni network. I don't know what high school you attended but, wow.

I wouldn't miss that reunion for anything in the world. Get over yourself and go mingle and please collect the business cards. You never know where such connections might lead.