Your story is heartbreaking--your anger and grief are justified.

The burdens you have set upon yourself seem overwhelming.

You are just one person. And you are powerless in so many ways. You were powerless as you watched a small boy have the goodness beat out of him, making him a sociopath.

You were powerless to stop the murder of your father and powerless to prevent this unrepentant lying woman's release from prison.

What can you do? I think you must find something positive to do to redeem your father's memory. You may want revenge but that would only create more turmoil in the world.

Your father taught this young boy to read-- but he alone couldn't stop the currents driving this boy toward evil.

Your father's story reminds me of Sister Karen of Buffalo NY.

She created a campaign for Peace in the early 2000s. She worked for the poor and destitute-- ex-cons. She established a transition house for violent parolees. One of those parolees killed her on Good Friday in 2006.

Here is a link to her story, for what it is worth.

http://sisterkarencenter.org/about.htm

What is her legacy? Is she a martyr to the doomed cause for nonviolence? Was she a sucker to try to help these broken criminals transition into productive lives?

Her peace signs are everywhere in Buffalo.

LW-- I hope that you will find peace one day.

You should have cheated on your husband with an 18 year old when YOU were 18. That kind of drama is appropriate and forgiveable at 18.

You're obviously trying to see what you missed out on. If you had broken it off with Mr. Sweetheart at 18, you would have been free to experiment and find out what life is like for the girls who didn't marry their sweetheart. I.e., throw yourself at some guys who turn out to only be really devastating crushes and sometimes get used and also get pursued by the wrong guys and sometimes narrowly avoid date rape and sometimes get set up in painfully awkward dates by well meaning friends and family and go through the mental exercises of whether you are desperate enough to try Internet dating and then try it and get defensive about it and go through times where you swear off dating completely and go through times where you seriously consider the possibility of going lesbian, and go through times where all your friends get married and accuse you of being too picky or being too desperate sometimes in the same sentence.

You missed out on a lot of thrills like the ones your experiencing now. Personally, I think your fling is destined to crash and burn husband or no husband. The flip side of all that thrill is hangover.

Well, whatever, you're going to have to learn it the hard way just like everyone else does.

I feel bad for your kids. You clearly aren't paying enough attention to them if you have time for these shenanigans.

Your husband-- telling you you would want to have sex with other people some day and you finally proved him right? That leaves me with a WTF feeling. He must have been more experienced then you were before marrying you. Perhaps he was projecting his own faithlessness.

I have no idea. You describe him as a nice guy that you loved at one point. You may have outgrown him, I don't know. If he's basically a decent husband and father and a grown up, you will probably regret screwing it all up for a few thrills with a teenager.

But maybe not. Sounds like you don't feel guilty or want to stop-- you just want to find a way to make your current behavior fit into whatever your definition of "good person" is.

What do you want a year from now? You want to have this kid around as a constant boy toy on call? Or you want to have a passionate affair and a new set of babies like that teacher lady who went to prison and finally married her student when he reached the age of consent?

Or you want to keep on living your ordinary life, with your husband and your kids? You want to shake things up to make your husband jealous and spark some passion? Or shake things up enough so he will finally leave you? Do you want to give him custody of your kids so you can have sex on a whim the way college students can?

I have no advice for you. I disagree with Cary's whole 'welcome to your true self' theme because I don't believe we are defined by our behavior. Cheating is always a crime of opportunity and people who want to remain faithful don't put themselves into situations where there will be temptation. And even those perfect souls who simply can't be tempted should still avoid tempting situations--for the sake of the seducer if no one else-- why set anyone up for rejection and disappointment?

Too bad your perfect high school romance is now a little tarnished.

Is this supposed to be a pep talk or a guilt trip?

Doesn't the LW know any earnest GenXers and GenYers who are already adept at living within their means and don't need a lecture?

Change at work can be fun and stimulating, granted, so long as the change in question doesn't result in unemployment.

The LW seems so smug. She apparently hasn't failed at anything yet.