Just say, "my hips? oh, well, like you, I try to do the best I can with what I've got." That is true. You are all at the gym, making the good healthy choice to exercise.

Don't insult them, don't be so insulted, and try not to think of yourself as so superior for being naturally, effortlessly thin. If you take the focus off yourself, they will probably make some self-hating, self deprecating comment anyhow. Try not to openly agree with them.

Just love the skin you're in!

What if the LW HAD lost a pregnancy or nearly died in childbirth as a result of having a small pelvis?

The rude woman's comments would become very horrifying even to her.

So, the LW has a point. I think she her best reply is kindness tho. The rude woman already hates herself and judges herself harshly. She projects her self-hatred on to all women (tho she may be chubby, she is no defender of fat women, no doubt she will be the first to snark on another woman's cankles if given the opportunity).

Women of any size or shape who snark on other women's appearances are for the most part projecting and reinforcing their self hatred.

They can't simply purchase the perfect body they want, deserve and feel entitled to as if it were a new fashionable jacket, and they hate themselves and everybody else as a result. But they still love "the ideal" because to stop loving the ideal is akin to admitting defeat.

So, I think the LW is dealing with some bona fide bitterness and rudeness but she doesn't have to join in if she has a healthy self-image-- she can project some self-acceptance and sanity onto others and try to stay above the fray.

People should take a breather, think about all the things their bodies do for them and others in a day, and be amazed.

And yes, I am a little overweight when I am working out and eating right, and a lot more overweight when I am not. I like to eat some cake once in awhile and can choose to accept the consequences or regret the indulgence. But I try not to have a chip on my shoulder about it.

These things are very fluid.

When I was a girl, Cheryl Teagues was the hottest lady. She had blue eyes, blond hair and thin lips. I had brown eyes, brown hair and pillow lips that I was extremely self conscious of. I definitely didn't fit the beauty ideal. Cindy Crawford was just around the corner. Now we have Angelina Jolie redefining the beauty ideal and pillow lips are all the rage. I can't be her kind of skinny but hey, I have got those lips! How fun for me! Yay!

I witnessed 9/11 on television from California and had about 2 weeks of nitemares and cringing everytime a plane flew overhead (every ten minutes or so).

Then I lost my religion (Catholicism) in the process of trying to understand the jihadist brainwashing process. I also lost my political bearings and briefly became a Republican. Well, not really, but I was living in the Bay Area at the time and the only place I could locate some other people willing embrace defensive jingoism and stop blaming Americans was with the Stanford Federalist Society.

Then I met a really nice, wonderful Jewish guy and slowly fell in love with him. I think it was the falling in love that year that saved me from the kind of PTSD that others have described, but if I hadn't lost my religion shortly before meeting him, I might have not seen past the differences in religious upbringing. As it was, all I saw were the similarities. And yes, he reminded me of all the reasons I am really not a Republican.

I wish the letter writer and Cary the best. I live among a lot of alcholics but haven't slipped into that sort of drinking myself (back to back sober pregnancies probably slowed any trend in that direction). So I don't have any advice.

I do know that alcoholics have a diminished capacity to cope with difficulties and to grieve. I have witnessed this plenty of times. Drinking to dull the pain only creates more pain, and doesn't resolve anything. It's a depressant. So as you get drunker, you get more depressed.

So please seek out whatever help you can get. You probably don't want to involve your family because there is some systemic alcoholism going on there and they would ridicule you for admitting you have a problem or trying to overcome it. Don't buy into false ideas that therapy is shameful or sobriety is for the weak.

Sobriety is the only thing that will permit you to understand and get through your trauma. Otherwise, it is like being stuck in a permanent bad dream.

I don't think you want to go. I lived out in California and returned home because I like big houses and housing on the West Coast is absurdly expensive.

I miss the nice weather but it sounds like you already have nice weather.

Please don't uproot yourself for your company. Your home with the detached artist studio sounds idyllic. Even more idyllic is the notion that you have time to paint in this lovely setting where you have a network of people connected to you.

Do you feel you would miss out on some great adventure by sticking around? Then go.

But if you are ho-hum about the promotion, if the money offered will result in a diminished quality of life because the cost of living adjustment just doesn't cut it, then please don't go.

Start looking around for a new job if you can. You can't just dead-end youself with this company, you can promote youself by finding a new job at a higher pay than your current one.

Either way, something is going to change. Which change gives you the most control over your life and happiness?