Researchers at Stanford have discovered that it is a bad idea to tell children they are gifted and naturally smart because that will lead them to perfectionism, an inability to work hard to solve a difficult problem and/or try something new and challenging . Rather than just tell a child how smart he/she is, you are now supposed to praise them for their dedication, perseverance, willingness to try again, willingness to learn something new, practice, work hard, not give up. Etc.

LW, the way you describe yourself, you maybe fit that theory. Your parents just told you were gifted and as a kid you made it a point to pursue anything that came easy to you and avoid the challenging stuff that might prove them wrong and make you look average. You got hooked on the accolades and now are floundering without them.

Well, you are no longer in school and no longer in the genius competition. You are just an ordinary joe living your life and self-medicating because no one is praising you anymore. You want recognition for your talents but fame only comes to those who sell out or market themselves and their art aggressively (or die and become famous posthumously).

You are 31, you seem to want to grow up, so why not just grow up. Put down the bong and save the six-pack for Friday night happy hour.

Pick something you love, either music or teaching or teaching music, or whatever, and stick with it until you push through the wall of it being a pain in the ass way to spend your time. Once you push through the wall of it being a drag, you may find that you have, without realizing it, become a master craftsman. Then you can take some genuine pride in achieving something that didn't come easy to you.

And if the urban schools have burned you out, go take a cake job in the suburbs and help some misguided genius kids find their own way in the world. If you are good at teaching and care about your students, there will be accolades, small private wonderful accolades like a kid inviting you to join their facebook network 10 years after graduating just because they thought you were that cool and influential back in the day.

I may have to print and frame this quote from Ramblin Rose:

"Here's my 6 step program for very smart adults who were so adored as intellectually capable children:

1. There is a higher authority and it's called "the bills." You need employment to pay "the bills" so stop acting like employment is just supposed to solely be a trip to freakin' Mecca or something. Get some work, preferably something physical and completely outside your norm. ..."

LOL! So true!

This story and the starving dog story don't surprise me but they do sicken me and maybe that was the artists motivation.

I am embarrassed to say that I wasted a lot of time, tuition money and academic credits taking an art concentration during college as a sort of mental release from the more strenous academic work I was doing as a history major. 15 years later I wish I spent that precious time pursuing a minor in something useful like accounting or finance.

I signed up for the sculpture classes thinking I'd learn how to make realistic looking clay busts or something, but instead we did a lot of avant garde installation b.s., since that is what matters in the art world now. I did learn enough jargon and art-speak to b.s. my way through a gallery event.

One of our projects during that time was a three-person collaborative. The leader of our project smoked a lot of weed and didn't shower or use deodorant. She smelled bad and wrote self-pitying poetry. Her design was a room-size fabric and crisco "womb" which was admittedly, a lot of fun to build. Our theme was supposed to be about creation and enclosure and all kinds of heady hippy female mumbo-jumbo.

Then she betrayed me and the other collaborator right before the installation opening by installing into our "womb" a t.v. monitor with an endless video loop of a hamster being drowned. Apparently, as a vegetarian, her real message was supposed to be about how we indifferently allow slaughterhouses to kill animals for meat and leather.

Okayyy.

To this day, I can't stand the sight of hamsters because they bring back all of the utterly repulsed sensations I had over that project. (Which was of course a big cool hit among the artsies at my school).

LW I am just speculating but I would wager if you and your partner wrote down your truest deepest desires, one of you wants kids a lot more than the other. For no better reason than your innate biological imperative.

I would bet the less interested partner has been very persuasive with this stalling argument about "asking the progeny for permission."

It's an excuse. If you both really want kids, have some. Either make some or adopt.

Once these new souls are in the world, or in your home, you will be so busy caring for them, you won't have the time or mental capacity to ask these dumb unanswerable questions about existence.

But you can teach them how to recycle, how to plant trees and cook organic vegan chili. One day they can vote for the Green Party. Or they can rebel against their upbringing and vote for Jenna Bush.

Really. You need to stop thinking about your carbon footprint for a minute and instead rent "Idiocracy." After watching, convince your partner why its in the best interests of the world for you to add some liberal-minded intelligence to the gene pool. Bring on the Raffi! = >