Supposedly the breast cancer screening recommendations that advise putting off regular mammograms for 40-49 yr olds are old-- 15 years old and were buried then for political reasons.

Why? I think because the baby boomer demographic was then in the 40-49 range. Now they are 50 + years old and the recommendations still are inclusive for them. Not so much for their daughters, a Gen X demographic that is not as large and as politically vocal.

Let the floodgates of truth be opened and damn the consequences.

You made a mistake quitting the therapist, when she made comments that made you feel once again like the "good student" that was your opening to tell the truth and say, "uh, no, really I've been holding back."

And you aren't sure you love your man because you haven't revealed your darkest thoughts and you have no idea how he would react if he knew the real you.

Talk to him truthfully, talk to your therapist truthfully and see what comes of it. If this guy isn't destined to be your husband and the father of your children, you will find out quickly and still have plenty of time to find a more suitable mate that will maybe help you get in touch with the joyful part of living.

Don't move in together until you get a definite statement-- a) is this for saving money, b) is it for testing the waters of compatibility, or c) is a step in the inevitable course of marriage committment and family life?

I asked my guy that question before we moved in together and got the answer I was looking for. My sister on the other hand moved in with her guy assuming they were on the same page (choice c) and two years later found out he had just been doing it to save money with no intention of marriage.

Don't waste your time. Find out the truth. You might be disappointed but you will no longer need to be angry.

Best wishes.

Cary- I am glad you don't also have to undergo a chemo regimine. I hope that you have a quick recovery from surgery and radiation and do not suffer from it.

Also, don't be hard on yourself for not writing about this so immediately after receiving a diagnosis. It can be a dizzying blur and you should have some time to just feel your feelings before having to sit down and process them in a written format. Also, you may want to process your feelings privately before deciding what to share with the public. None of that requires apology.

I am guessing these people are old-skool Catholics of the Mel Gibson variety. I come from a Catholic upbringing and community and mostly the people there are cafeteria Catholics. The die-hard faithful around here break away and become non-denominational born-agains.

Anyhow, consider googling Center For Inquiry, perhaps you can find some like-minded people in your community. Consider yourself a "secular humanist," or "humanist" which has less bite then "atheist." (Devout religious types are often taught to beleive that atheist = satanist, so you really don't want to throw that label on yourself too quickly depending on how ignorant your inlaws are).

What many devout Catholics do respect is a skeptism toward clergy. If you are pressured to attend Mass and wish to abstain, acceptable reasons to do so include a sense of cyncism or vague offense("they're always asking for money," or "father so-and-so really offended me during my pre-cana when he said some things that were just extremely judgmental and uncalled for.")

You don't have to go into detail or argue. With your son, raise him Catholic and simultaneously undermine any dogmatism as best you can. Make sure he learns about science, then encourage him to read the bible himself (which Catholics are not encouraged to do themeselves) and draw his own conclusions as to whether it could possibly be considered factually accurate or truthful, and whether it is necessary to have the Catholic Church interpret the Bible on his behalf.

Good luck. Hang in there and seek some friends beyond your husband's family. Love them, and imagine how it might have been had you been raised in the family and then lost your faith. There may even be some silent doubters within the ranks of your inlaws, time and patience may reveal you are not so alone.