often pretty unresistable to a 36 year old guy. Even if she's not very pretty. Come on guys, no one has mentioned the physical attraction to young flesh aspect. 19 is pretty damn ripe and fresh and usually a far cry from his 31-mother-of-two wife's body. While everyone else is stuck on the poly, BSDM, "mothering" and boundary issues, I keep coming back to the power of the body. Maybe the LW is interested in said 19 yo too for that reason.

There's just something so alluring and compelling about youthful bodies. I'm not lesbian, but hell, I find myself staring at young girls in simple appreciation of how they look. The problem is when they open their mouths and all that insecurity, inexperience and just plain cluelessness comes out. So I look at these girls and remember back in my day (before gravity and stretch marks took hold) how horrible I felt about myself while, physically being so attractive. How appreciated I felt when I had sex with older men. Then, afterward I figured out men that age were interested in my body not my heart.

When I was reading this letter, that's what came to my mind, the LW blathering on and on about how her husband wants to "help" this poor girl, and convincing the wife to "help" her too, was just a pretty cover up for lust. For cryin' out loud, husband, boss and 19yo are talking about BSDM at work! This whole scenario screams SEX.

Shame on the LW for not seeing through her husband's thinly veiled ruse of "caring" for this girl. Let's not forget that polyamorous is about multiple love, not multiple sex. It's the belief that one can love more than one person at a time. Be committed to more than just one person. There doesn't seem to be a whole lotta love going on here.

I was thinking, would the LW care about this girl at all if her husband wasn't involved? Would she take her under her wing and help her mature, grow some self-esteem, make better choices? No, I didn't think so.

The polyamorous bomb goes off. Armies line up and ATTACK!

Just what the headline writers at Salon want us to do. Let's see if we can top 200.

I'm of the camp that funerals are for the living. LW, your comatose mother will not know (or probably even care) if you arrive in time to see her last breath, or just to attend the funeral. Having watched my mother die before my eyes after being in a coma for 11 days, I can tell you the dying have a lot of work to do to get there, and they are definitely doing it alone. Dying is solitary work, at the end. So my advice is, don't go for your mother, she's got enough on her plate right now. But if you think it would ease your guilt for not visiting her before, by all means, find the money and get there.

That said, I did not go to the funeral of my father, who died a couple of years ago. I prefer to remember our last meeting, which was tender and full of love. However, I did not have the guilt the LW seems to be experiencing. I, too, had/have extreme financial difficulties. I could not have afforded a trip back to the States at that time. On the other hand, I'm wracked with guilt over the fact that I haven't been able to see my adult children in over 2 and half years. But that's because they're alive--and I'm a mother, we're always wracked.

My advice to you, is to get straight with your guilt. That seems to be the larger issue here. Only you know if a trip back home will help you come to grips with your feelings. But I offer this, pick someone in your life who isn't dying but needs you. Spend time with them, BE with that person and be with yourself--fully, wholey (holy?) present. Live each moment to it's fullest. Because that is what dying teaches us. Death comes and snatches away our loved ones leaving behind only memories. Make beautiful memories with the living, so you'll have something to hold on to after they're gone. What else is there?

Having taught sex-ed to fifth graders, I think the Second Life option is a great idea. I don't think it's going to replace traditional sex-ed in America--too "virtually" scary for parents who don't understand cyberspace. But I'd bet that if it was available for all teenagers, free of charge, they'd go check it out on their own.

Just one tip if you're teaching sex-ed, have kids write their questions on slips of paper to submit to a "bucket." The teacher then pulls the questions out at random and answers them. This guards the annonymity of the students yet still answers a lot of their questions. And, as one poster pointed out, kids don't want to ask questions out loud at the end of the video. You'd be amazed by the touching, innocent things they want to know!

Screened by an avatar, as in Second Life, I feel kids will have a safe environment in which to explore real questions and situations. Hopefully, this experience will be monitored carefully by moderators so everyone feels secure.

Great idea England and Second Life!