I too, live in a European country that has a good welfare system AND a lot of beggars. Albeit not as many as in the States! The LW's response to her son's request to give money to a beggar was shocking. Why did she care where he spent his money? It's HIS money! I think she was wrestling with her own feelings of resentment and anger at paying so much in taxes and being confronted everyday with the failure of that system. She seems to want the blight of poverty wiped off the scene so she doesn't have to deal with it. I wonder if she thinks begging is easy or fun? Has she ever imagined what it must be like for those people? I have. I can't think of anything worse.

And no, even here in France, the system fails all the time. In order to receive those benefits "about $24,000 U.S., all their rent paid and special grants for Christmas, home heating, children's clothes, television license, medical care, etc." those people have to have a permanent address, be mentally capable to follow up with appointments and constantly fill out paperwork. It helps a lot to not be a drug addict or alcoholic.

It's pretty clear she's angry that there are people still begging on her streets when she's "working my ass off to pay welfare for the very small percentage of people who NEVER look for work and who then panhandle, sometimes aggressively, all over my city. All working people do. A welfare system like ours isn't cheap, and those of us stuck in the middle feel every bite in the universal recession."

I understand the outrage we can feel when we see a seemingly able-bodied person begging for money, especially when they appear to be better dressed than we are! But, we often don't know the whole story. Here's the way I coped with my own conflictedness and my own one-step-away-from-poverty-ness: I mostly only give to teenagers. If I see young people on the street, I give them money. Also mothers. And, when I'm feeling really centered and calm, I give a hug--but only in the States (when I visit). Hugging is unknown in France but in the States it's a touching and amazing thing to share with a homeless person. I highly recommend it.

In fact, I double-dog dare the LW to give a hug to the next beggar she sees on the street--well, unless she lives in France where that just isn't done. But the rest of you Yanks, try it sometime. A homeless man in the Financial district in SF and I shared a heartful moment and a couple of tears when I told him I didn't want to give him any money but would he accept a hug? He folded into my arms, trembling, clutched me briefly and let go. The fog lifted from his eyes and I saw a million years into his lifetime. I'll never forget that. And, just so you know, no cooties, scabies, or lice were exchanged so don't be afraid.

Just wanted to weigh in on the whole 'guys hear an anti gay message every three minutes' thing. I spent this last summer in a house full of twentysomethings and we had this discussion. I learned that the expression, 'that's so gay' or 'you're gay' is synonymous with 'lame'. It's not, in their minds, homophobic at all. I don't know what gays think of that definition but my daughter, who is 24 and bisexual, explained it to me.

On the other hand, I have to agree with some other posters on the observations that men seem to have a hard time making close friendships with other men. I cite my two closest examples: my son, who is rather closed down emotionally and socializes with his wife's friends and family, and my daughter's boyfriend who has a close knit circle of male friends and is, himself, open and communicative. And, I'm sad to say that I raised my son (part time) so the blame surely rests partly on me for his reluctance to be present and emotionally open.

I also agree with another poster upthread who said that guys eventually kind of figure it out. And while they start out shut in with their wives and their wives friends, after time and some security and growing up (around 35 or so) they start to branch out. I think the real problem facing men today is the fact that for the first time in American history men are looking at a future where they will not be out earning their fathers. And that's freakin' scary.

He hated it. But then, he was away from his girlfriend and doing an Alaskan cruise--not very interesting. YOUR trip, on the other hand sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Usually, you don't get the "fun" gigs until you've gotten some seniority.

That said, the cruise line will tell you that you have to make a 6 or 9 month committment. However, you CAN bail, you just can't work for that cruise line again. So don't worry, you won't be stuck anywhere. You will be able to return home if you can't hack it. And the band can be a fun bunch of people.

In my son's band, the music director hid his herion stash in one of the bars somewhere. Someone found it and called security. They had a meeting and asked the person who had put the herion in the bar to come forward . Of course the music director didn't fess up. At the next port, the police came on board and the music director managed to escape before they got to him--sans stash, of course.

Just think of the stories YOU'LL have to tell!)