So I'd say I'm a feminist. I'm also pro marriage equity. It seems to me that everyone in the US should be allowed to name one of-age, non-immediate family member to be their legal companion, and that person should be granted all the legal and financial protections that come as part of marriage. What happens in the religious sphere I care not about.

To me, saying that I don't want to join a club others can't is missing the point. This isn't a club, it's the exercise of rights and legal protections. And while I think it may be possible to file many legal documents that would give my spouse and I all the rights we currently enjoy as a married couple and as parents of a small child, it would be hard, time consuming, and expensive.

So, we are taking advantage of the legal protection of marriage. I regret that my gay friends and family members cannot, and I will sincerely rejoice when they can in every state.

Now, the "club" aspect does come in with the NYT vows section. But as they now include same-sex marriages, I don't think that applies either.

I got married 12 years ago and managed to have a ceremony that fit my budget and views very nicely. My dress was made by a friend of the family. My single bride's maid had a dress made of her own choosing. We had a catered dinner and a band. We stood up and exchanged vows between dinner and dancing in front of a judge, surrounded by all our guests, using very egalitarian Canadian vows. There was no aisle, no "giving away", no garter or bouquet tossing. None of that was me. There were no favors or other items that I deemed unnecessary. And 12 years on, we still feel it suited us and wouldn't change a thing.

I wasn't trying to make a big political statement. I was just trying to plan a wedding that fit my husband and me, fit our budget, and didn't get overwhelmingly complicated. And really, I don't care what Jessica Valenti chose to do at all.