but if I were, I'd be all over this like a rash. These are lucky kids.

Listen to politicalrealist, folks. Pay attention pay attention pay attention.

A big part of why porno fucking can be such a turnoff is that one becomes acutely aware one's partner is paying attention to their inner porn movie, not the person who is right there. It's like the entire Vivid Video production staff is in the bedroom, and that's not cool.

I find it also helps if one genuinely likes and respects one's partner, knows them well, and cares about pleasing them -- sounds like a no-brainer, but I've always gotten the sense that performative sex is more about Pleasing A Woman, or Pleasing A Man, instead of pleasing a specific person -- it's more about a self-administered pat on the back for the performer than anyone else's good time. I'm not saying anyone has to be picking out china patterns to have good sex, but a little genuine affection goes a long way.

(politicalrealist, reading your letter, I am not at all surprised you got that compliment from your GF. Ahem.)

(My mom reads these letters. Sorry Mom.)

You could try actually reading my post, but since you're apparently unwilling to do this, I'll spell it out.

My whole POINT was that rape is NOT like the weather. It's just that the American cultural dialogue about rape, the one that assumes that rape is like the weather, is BOGUS. Clearly rape is perpetrated by people with human agency, but we pretend it isn't because it's easier to put the entire onus for stopping rape on women, and because most men don't feel like they have to take responsibility for stopping rape.

You're not making a good case for yourself here.

Look. The only problem with encouraging women to "take precautions against rape" is that it's THE SUM TOTAL of the way our culture discusses rape. Per this discussion rape just happens, it's as inevitable as the weather. It's not your FAULT it rained, obviously, but if you don't bring an umbrella you can expect to get wet, you silly woman.

But rape doesn't "just happen". People, overwhelmingly men, choose to rape people, overwhelmingly women. The "take precautions" line of reasoning wouldn't be so offensive if there were also a similarly common discussion, directed at men, about how to not rape people and how to discourage rape in general. But this doesn't exist, and if anyone tries to propose having such a discussion, one is immediately drowned out by angry men insisting they're being discriminated against, they're not rapists, therefore they shouldn't have to take action against rape.

The only thing ALL rapes have in common is the presence of a rapist, who chooses to rape. What can we do to get them to knock it off? Obviously all the well-meaning "advice" to women about how to prevent rape isn't working.

I suppose I am insufficiently culturally literate and/or jaded. This video broke my heart. Tell me what's wrong with me, Kate! Please!

Or you could just go fuck yourself with a rake. You know, I like that idea better.

Baby Be-Bop is still available - it's included in Dangerous Angels, a 1-volume anthology of all the Weetzie Bat books.

I was in middle school in the early 90s, and promiscuous hugging was the order of the day even then. Kids fell down in cozy piles all over the place, backrubs were social currency, spooning was standard practice at (coed!) slumber parties, and on and on. It was all largely innocent but with an undertone of hormonal tension, which is why we did it and why we enjoyed it. Some of us were having sex too, but that was another order of business entirely, more clandestine and not really discussed, and not especially common. Most of us just hugged a lot.

I've noticed people in my peer group tend to be comfortable with platonic physical affection to this day. It's nice to know your friends are good for a big hug when the world seems cold and lonely.

Brightstar: these women are providing a product that is apparently in high demand. Why are you railing against them and not the consumers who fetishize what they're selling? This is basic free-market capitalism at work and I'd expect you to be all about it, given your libertarian leanings.

Hrdy's hypothesis sounds mighty plausible to my ear, and I also suspect that the interconnectedness she describes in protohumans (and which Western culture currently lacks) was necessary even for people without children.

We're all so awfully isolated today. Tribes have fallen by the wayside, to be replaced by small, stressed, isolated units. It doesn't feel right and lots of people are unhappy. Why is World of Warcraft so popular? I think because it creates tribes, even in pixels, and as a species we have a deep need for that kind of social organization. After all, it informed our continued survival.

Stressed, sad, isolated people buy more stuff, however. Hmmm.

The responses you've heard here indicate that your "common theme" is only common to you.

Your last post was timely indeed, given that the horrifying nonsense described in the OP owes a lot to wretched, retrograde ideas about masculinity.

I'm not marc, but I'm butting in anyway. WHO CARES?! Who cares how ridiculous Chris Crocker is and what relationship his ridiculousness has with his sexuality? Good God, man, if you're using Chris Crocker as an illustration of anything pertaining to anything, you have too much time on your hands. As do the school-age kids whose raison d'etre is deriding the fags, queers and weirdos in their midst.

I don't know about you, but I'm too busy -- apparently with picking petty fights on the internets -- to bother stressing out about people who seem weird to me and the causes to which their weirdness might be attributable, and whether or not my personal discomfort might justify sweeping generalizations. Grow up.