ON LIBERAL WUSSES:

Dukakis is a man of small physical stature. Poking his head up through a turret hatch on an M-60 MBT with an oversized brain bucket made him look like a child on a carnival ride. The press didn't need to make Dukakis look ridiculous, he did it himself.

Imagine for a moment if he had been a little more self-aware that day and told his campaign manager and the military liaison "I ain't wearin' that goddamn ridiculous-looking helmet."

Dukakis could have come off looking like a guy with some balls.

And speaking of balls, as ridiculous as Bush looked in that flight suit, the harness straps digging into his crotch presented his "package" to great effect.

ON SALON READERS:

* I'd call it the "Scorched Earth" complex of every dumbass self-righteous and selfish far lefty who throws himself on the floor kicking and screaming like a two year old with your straw man doll named "MoveOn haters."

YOU, stop acting like a punk, fool.

YOU are the one who is giving the authoritarians all the advertising copy they need to stay in power. Got guts? How much guts you got, fool? It doesn't take any guts at all to act like a fool, fool.

* When you talk about the military, you embarrass yourself. That's all I'm saying. People who never served in the armed forces trying to describe things military is the equivalent of watching a mob of monkeys trying to fuck a football. You have no clue.

But please, do yammer on. You amuse the veterans.

Gotta leave now, my college football team is about to take the field.

G'night ladies.

* Hey Lydia, you want a real Revolucion? You want to save the Mexican people?

Then get your elitist ass down into the hills of Morelia with AK 47s and some Chinese RPGs. Attack Ciudad Mexico, the seat of power for the ruling oligarchy that has used the campesinos as slaves since the first revolution. Vincente Fox? Take him out. Go after the 19 ruling billionaire families who control the Mexican government and keep the the people so close to starvation that they have to migrate out of their own land to seek a better life.

What the hell are you doing in Berkeley, California anyway? The Mexicans who made it to the U.S. don't need you half as bad as the poor people of Mexico. If you really want to start a movement, don't screw around, go to the source of the "undocumented immigrant" problem. Bring the ruling class Brahmans of Mexico to their knees. Viva la gente! Viva la revolución.

You want to form a union and have a strike? Hey! I'm behind you all the way. Only do it in Mexico. Viva la Huelga! Mexican workers united against the oppressive oligarchy in Ciudad Mexico.

I can see you ten years from now, running the country of Mexico, the nation's first woman Presidente. They will write books about the day you rode up the Paseo de la Reforma on top of a captured tank and how you climbed the Columna de la Independencia and gave a speech through a bullhorn, "Levantarse patriotas!"

And you'll be celebrated in the United States too. Lydia Chavez, the Joan of Arc of Mexico who caused the greatest reverse migration in the history of the world! Mexicans returned to reclaim their native land from the grip of the oligarchic oppressors.

Lydia, surely you must know that few people willingly become expatriots when things are good at home. So I'll join with you in support of the idea that the Mexican government who forces its people to live abroad and send money home so their families may eat, is a government that has to be dissolved for the good of the people.

But I guess that'd be too much work for you, and it would be dangerous too. I'd say if you tried it, your chances would be the same as towing an iceberg to Guadalajara. (Sigh) But I guess you'll just stay in California where it's safe and you can write papers on how evil America is for wanting to exercise sovereignty and secure our borders.

ON MY MAN GODFREY:

Do you know anything about daily life in the military, Godfrey? Any personal experiences to share?

You know about convoys and patrolling and who gets put in the rotation roster for combat sortees?

You been there, Godfrey?

You think it's a conspiracy Godfrey? Then do tell. How did it go down?

I'm a snob? Why? Because I really doubt that even if somebody wanted to go to the trouble of killing two soldiers for speaking out, how would they go about doing it? Do you really think that anybody in their own outfit would conspire to somehow run a five-ton truck off a road with the possibility of all ten or 12 of their brothers would be taken out with their target?

I'm a snob? Go to hell you idiot.

ON GARRY OWEN:

I don't even think I'm a hothead. It's just my writing style. I'm really a pussycat in real life.