The problem (and I say this with a light touch - they're only movies, people) that many of us have with Steph are her glaring inconsistencies: sometimes from review to review. A good reviewer will try to step outside of themselves to give an objective review. Steph often reminds me of my friends' "reviews" that start with "I hate comics" (so why bother seeing a super-hero movie?) or "I had a bad case of stomach flu/menstrual cramps" (any physical condition that would make sex bad is going to make a movie seem worse than it is).

Movie critics - even those on "arty" sites like Salon - can only review whatever tripe Hollywood is throwing at us, but should at least try to be a little more blue-collar. Sometimes, as in the case with "V", she'll get down on a movie for being too "Heavy-handed". But less 2 months ago she was telling me that she liked "Glory Road", the most-beat-you-over-the-head-with-its-message movie I've seen in years. I've decided to do an impromptu survey of the last 3 months of Zacharek-ness and see if we can come to any conclusive answer about her consistency. Or ours.

(in reverse time)

V for Vendetta - Thumbs Down

An ode to Colin Farrell that includes a diatribe on how Oliver Stone's Alexander was bad, but not because of Farrell (the guy who played Alexander), but his hairdresser.

Failure to Launch - Thumbs Down

Block Party - Thumbs Up

16 Blocks - Thumbs Up (2 in a row!)

Running Scared - Thumbs Down

Freedomland - Thumbs Down (2 for 2 on heavy-handed)

Eight Below - Thumbs Down (I was tempted to put thumbs up because of all the dog gushing- is there anything MORE heavy-handed than animals-against-the-odds-movies? - but she didn't like the actors or the believability of the story so...)

A diatribe about how much Steve Martin sucks now - only about 10 years too late!

Neil Young: Heart of Gold - Thumbs Up - As with all concert movies, if you like the music, you'll like the movie -- my favorite concert movie is Depeche Mode 101: enough said!

Firewall - Thumbs Down (its "crisp" but Harrison Ford sucks - why would I want to see a Harrison Ford movie where Harrison Ford sucks)

Bleak House - Thumbs Up (ahhh Dickens! Everyone loves Dickens, right?)

Something New - Thumbs Up

Annapolis - Thumbs Down ("trite, but you root for it"?)

Tristam Shandy - Thumbs Up (I've actually seen this one and its "funny" in a dry rambling British asshole actor way - I think the cast was given a bit much leeway to "wing it")

Nanny McPhee - Thumbs Down: Asshole Brits win!

Underworld: Evolution - Thumbs Down (Have to agree that this movie sucks, but when its between this and the Pink Panther remake, I'll go with shooting vampires any day)

Looking for Comedy in the Muslim world - Thumbs Down (see later diatribe about Steve Martin being unfunny now - she tries to work Brooks into this without mentioning that he's never been funny)

Last Holiday - Thumbs Down (Now here's a movie that's heavy-handed - but Steph did like Queen Latifah - how can you not like Latifah? - BTW, can she get a friggin' real first name? You too, King Kauffman)

Glory Road - Thumbs Up (another heavy-hander - I guess Steph only likes them when she, uh, likes them?)

An article about whether we should make fun of "retards" like they do in Johnny Knoxville's Tour de Force, "The Ringer". Who knew that Knoxville would be causing so much heavy-handed thinking across the country? Apparently, Steph did!

End count:

Thumbs Down: 11

Thumbs Up: 7

Articles about stuff that sucks (or in Colin Farrell's case doesn't suck even though it appears to): 3

Conclusion:

So I've learned nothing. You?

I'd like to end with saying that I like Steph, I really do like her. She writes well, and she does have an endearing style, so I tend to give her a break (try reading something from the idiots at Ain't it Cool News for a comparison sometime) but if you're looking for truly "challenging" movies, the "Beyond the Multiplex" column is where to look, not the crap that Steph usually has to review.

Um, "a parent" (is there anything more insidious than the "I'm a parent so I know better" line of reasoning? Yeah, you and Britney Spears - pantheon of the human ethic... I'm a parent too, but I also don't think that upon his birth I was immediately blessed with uncommon wisdom or the like): I'm not sure which bible you're reading, but in the one I read:

• 2 entire cities are obliterated (Sodom + Gommorah) for their sins

• A loving disciple is asked to kill his only son (Abraham)

• The "chosen people" are allowed to be enslaved by heathens (hence the need for Moses and his leading - don't forget that after he leads the ingrates to the "promised land", he is disallowed from setting foot in it)

• There's an entire chapter is devoted to the willful torture of a good man (Job).

All in the name of your "loving" god.

Jesus was pretty cool. Too bad there aren't any Christians who listen to his teachings. They'd be more concerned about the poor and our stewardship of god's creation - earth - than whether other people were having enough kids or not.