I think you make several good points, and I see indeed the kind of difference that you emphasize between my situation and the LW's. Indeed, my wife was afraid that, if I knew she had been seeing and sleeping with another guy even after we became officially serious (worse yet because I already knew the guy, as she found out from me the first time we went out), she might lose my affection. I've never been the kind of guy who would judge someone just because of something like that; if she had told me from the beginning that she was sleeping with another guy, I wouldn't have lost my respect for her, I would have just wanted to talk about what she wants and what I want and so on. But she was indeed afraid, she didn't know me well enough then, so she lied.

Yet... it all goes back to whether the LW is or is not a pathological liar. As several other people in this thread have pointed out, there are people who would tell little lies like that to look more interesting -- that doesn't make them pathological liars. After the lie is told, one often has to cover up by coming up with a consistent context -- i.e. one lies again. Usually the reason is that, since the lie was felt to be "harmless", then it would be OK to keep it plausible.

So the point is: was his lie one thing he said at one point in order to look more interesting, or is this a recurring pattern?

My answer: assume both cases, give advice for each case. Tell the guy to ask himself who he is and what he feels about this girl. Is he lying (maybe even to himself?) about loving her? About wanting a serious, committed relationship on terms that both of them accept? He says she might be "the one"; so he's thinking in terms of some kind of future. Apparently, it wasn't simply to "get into her pants", as another commenter suggested.

I do think that the points you mention -- the fact that he sounds more concerned with getting caught than actually sad for having lied, and that the issue looks like something that doesn't really matter -- suggest pathological liars. But there are other possibilities. It may be that he thought of this lie really as something harmless, so he isn't really all that guilty about it; he's more embarrassed and worried about what his girlfriend will think of him (since he realizes some people consider this very important), but he himself doesn't. Lithmus test: how would he have felt if she had lied about her grandparents in the same way, and for the same reason? Would he be offended, or not?

It may be that those of you who had to deal with pathological liars (fortunately I didn't) are picking on something that I don't notice. But it may also be that your own experience and your own hurt are making you jump to conclusions. Maybe this guy is what you thought, and maybe he isn't. If he is, you're right, she should run away. If he isn't, you aren't right, and she shouldn't necessarily run away.

Note, in the end, that nobody here (I think) is seriously suggesting that he should do anything other than tell the truth to this girl. What he'll do is up to him, of course, but this is clearly the right next step. The question of whether or not he is a pathological liar will be up to his girlfriend to decide. Let's hope she'll decide correctly.

is actually quite old -- we haven't always had money after all.

I agree with Janice: the strange thing to me is not that the wife wants to stay in the home and dedicate herself to satisfying her husband's needs (some people like that -- just check D/s websites...); it's the fun of avoiding reality, pretending nothing has happened in the last 50-70 years, that I find disturbing. It's like being a Trekkie, learning to speak Klingon, marrying another Klingon-speaking Trekkie and pretending they're studying to enter Starfleet academy. I suppose it's OK to recreate a Civil War battle, but wanting to live all your life as if it was still that time... That goes a bit too far for me.

Allie, I'm flabbergasted -- I was thinking of posting the exact same thing!! A couple of weeks ago, while watching Lost in Translation, I was struck by how Scarlett Johansson's eyes reminded me of my wife's; and today, a few moments ago, Anna Koval'chuk (a Ukrainian actress), in a filmed version of Bulgakov's The Master and Margarita I found on Youtube, laughed exactly like my wife!

@Doppelganger: I have to agree with bigguns. You're doing an ad hominem without any real content -- simply showing you're angry at her. There is nothing about Ms Harding's weight that bears on what she said in her post. Much as I disliked it -- I think she chose exactly the wrong tone and dismissed things too quickly -- I dislike your "criticism" much more. I understand your anger; but we have brains, too. There's no need to react like that.