is inadequately effective in large part because it does not have 67% of the votes. Why does this need to be said? Why are they being blamed for the mandate not provided by the citizenry?

Also, moderate Republicans are caving to Bush. Why does anyone need to say this?

Also add into the poll numbers the number of voters who voted Republican in November who now wish they'd voted Democratic. Why does anyone need to say this?

The Democratic Congress is doing almost as well as could be expected given the circumstances. Elect more Democrats.

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(More, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")

Cary is, I believe, saying, and I agree, that your choice to follow the straight and narrow may well have been laid out to you by others, which you felt you couldn't help but follow. On the surface this works for you, but your judgements, and your worry about getting caught judging, tips you off that something's not quite right.

We're all at least a little screwed up. We do our utmost to hide this from ourselves. The problem with being perfect is it hides from us the ways in which being perfect is also screwed up. That is, a very important thing about being screwed up is to know it. It compounds screwed-up-ness to be screwed up and not know it; to be in denial; though a common symptoms of insanity is to not know one is insane. Not that you sound very insane. But you may have a touch of this human malady we all pretty much share. Welcome to the club.

Doing everything right to stay out of trouble doesn't give life much meaning or purpose. It doesn't seem like a choice from one's heart of hearts.

You didn't say it, but do you also have family members, or pick people to be around, who exhibit those behaviors that annoy you? Are they dragged around by their crazy obsessions and/or compulsions? If you too are dragged around by obsessions and compulsions, even if they're about doing things right, you have grounds to identify with those you judge.

Cary was very kind. I hope you find a way to that compassion for yourself that inevitably brings you compassion for others.

I would warn you away from codependence more strongly than Cary does. If there is addiction in your family, you might want to check out Al-Anon. It's free.

Good luck. It may be a bit scary, but it's an exciting time for you.

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(More, for free, too: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")

It's often the first one in a dysfunctional family who does things right - who's the hero or star. The rebel, the lost child, and the mascot/charmer/comedian roles get split among the other sibs. These are dysfunctional ways to be different.

You may be a family star.

In such a case it is not responsible to be responsible, especially if you're judgemental about it. That is, if you cannot stop being responsible, then your "responsibility" is knee-jerk obsessive and compulsive. It is as out of control as an addict's addiction. It has not been the result of discipline. One has been driven to it; may not be able to stop when they should.

Ouch, I know.

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(More, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")

What's so disturbing about fundamentalism, from scriptual inerrancy on down, is thinking that spirituality is an outside job; that it's to be imposed from without.

I'm an alcoholic and dysfunctional family member involved in 12 Step programs. Spirituality is an inside job. (I must say that I translate "spirituality" as "egolessness" and that I know more than one atheist in these programs; that is to say, it is not accurate to describe such programs as religious; though some members take their spirituality religiously.) If I'm doing something wrong in my life, no one else straightens me out. It would be sick and undemocratic if they did, if not illegal. I do something about, as they say, my spiritual condition and, without forcing, I find myself doing the next right thing.

Since Bush got elected we have been having an outside job done on us. A centerpiece of fanaticism is for Big Daddy to infantilize us all. It's bad enough that gays are made legal children by being denied marriage; fundamentalists also want half of those who are married to be eligible for regular spankings.

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(More, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")

I'm a little worried about you.

At first I thought you might have unacknowledged addiction in your family and need Al-Anon. But then at your age with your entirely unreal attitudes about drug use, and your losing sleep over your situation, and your apparently brittle controlingness, I'm concerned it might be a bit more than that. Your thing about drugs may not come from any family experience with their sequela, but may just be its own aberration in your head.

I should say, too, that this may have nothing to do with your girlfriend's cocaine use but with your fear of getting close to her. So any port - What the hell: Drug use'll disqualify her - in a storm.

If Al-Anon isn't enough to return you to a reality base, check out the many various forms of self-exploration, therapy being one.

I should say I'm a recovering alcoholic. Twice I tried cocaine, but was too shit-faced at the time to catch a buzz. Apparently I went through a fair amount of the cocaine, not getting high from it. That, I guess, is where my remorse lies. But, no, alcohol was more than enough for me.

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(More, for free: google "Rabid Fanatic" +"Monty Johnston")