Thank god for right-wing websites, otherwise the law would be clear. I suspect the more that's learned about this, the more vague the right-wing arguments will become, til at last they will be speaking in tongues while waving flags.

Meanwhile, back in the reality-based world...

The lessons the rest of us learned from Watergate and Vietnam were about the failures of leadership. What Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld learned was that if they'd been able to control the message they'd have gotten away with it.

So they set out to control the message, and thirty years later can get away with anything. Anything. We're at the point where the New York Times won't tell its readers that the executive branch is spying on Americans without warrants. They held that news through his reelection, and only came clean when someone on their staff was about to tell the world.

It makes sense to suggest that the LW consider how his own behavior might contribute to his fiancee's rage, but that's hardly the point.

Three times in two years show she's not emotionally mature enough to be married. Not to me anyway.

What happens if she does it some night when he's had a few drinks and feeling fed up? Anyone can snap, especially if it's been building. Sure, she'd forgive him--but that's the beginning of the roller-coaster.

People can change; tell her she gets one more chance--one. If, ten years into the marriage, she does it again, leave for a week.

Say what you will about his politics, Ariel Sharon is a 77-year-old man with a recent history of medical problems.

He left out "overweight".

Not trying to be rude. Just saying.

"...shouldn't we stand behind our president?"

With all due respect to the author, the reviewer, and other posters here, this book seems to be just more of the seemingly endless dialog between women about men. And like most of that dialog, it's largely wrong.

Most men, besides reviewers and perhaps the author's father, will never read this book. If they did, they wouldn't bother responding. The unfortunate result is that the field of discussion is left to those who don't get it.

Very few women understand men. Even fewer lesbians do. And with all due respect, very few gay men understand straight men. Almost all of what women and gay men write about straight men is wrong. But most straight men either aren't aware, don't care, or don't respond to what's written and said about them. So the cottage industry of nonsense continues.

When I read something like:

I think Vincent is being overly dramatic when she suggests that for one man to look another in the face is to invite either conflict or a homosexual encounter, but she's right that those things are under the surface somewhere, and for any male reader it's startling to see one of the most ingrained codes of male public behavior so briskly dissected.

..all I can do is shake my head. It's just so wrong.

The problem, again, is that men have left the field of "understanding men" to women and professional BS artists. As O'Hehir gleans, the closest Vincent gets to understanding the men she's been bowling with is when it gently occurs to her that they mostly care about her bowling skills, and were nice to her because she was on the team.

If realizing that most men don't sit around thinking and writing about what men are like counts as a revelation, then that's as close as Vincent got to one.

Leave them behind. Emotionally and literally. Save yourself, and create a better world for your own kids.

I agree with Zaynab D. Not only is the past alcohol problem not the core issue at this point, but the dad wouldn't go anyway. If he did it would only be to get out of the house, and as Zaynab said, in that case it would be much kinder of the LW to take him someplace he really wants to go.

I have nothing against AA, but in this case it strikes me as a bit of a cop-out--someplace the LW can send the dad without having to step up to the plate himself. Like pushing a button.

If he really cares enough about his dad's situation to want to change it, he should put himself on the line. Invite the old man to stay with him for a month, or take him on a trip, or whatever. Of course this will cause conflict with the mother. It's up to the LW to decide how much he wants to do, and at what price.

Simply saying, "this situation is wrong--you should go to AA" then going back home isn't really a solution. The dad won't go anyway.

The LW either has to have the strength to walk away completely, or the dedication to take the old man on himself. Dropping in for the holidays, recommending therapy, then splitting doesn't cut it.